Have you ever gone into a vacation with the intention of rest and rejuvenation, but then find yourself about to return to work still tired and not as refreshed as you’d hoped? I definitely have. And I looked back thinking, “What happened? Where did the time go? Why didn’t I just relax and enjoy myself more?”

The thing is that our vacations can be just as full of to-do lists, obligations, and demands as our working lives. So it’s easy for our precious vacation time to get away from us and for us to spend it in ways that don’t feel rejuvenating.

To feel rested, reenergized and restored I believe we need to spend our vacation time (or at least a good part of it) doing things that help us reconnect with ourselves; things that make us feel really good, lift our spirits and help us feel grounded in our mind and body. This comes from doing things we genuinely like and enjoy doing.

Just do things you like; it sounds obvious and easy, right? And yet how often do you find yourself on vacation doing things you don’t genuinely want to do? Things like attending a BBQ with people you don’t really like because you feel obligated, spending a day restaining the back deck when you hate housework, or if you’re traveling, only visiting the sights and eating where your travel companions want, etc. We can find ourselves doing these things we don’t actually really want to do because our mind has many reasons for us why we “have to” or “should” or what will happen if we don’t. It feels more complicated than just doing what we want.

And yes, sometimes it can be more complicated. I completely understand there are some things you have to do, but not everything our mind is telling us we must do falls into this camp. So developing more awareness of what goes on in your mind when you’re on vacation can help you be a bit more discerning. Here are some tools to help so, on the whole, you can spend as much time as possible genuinely enjoying your vacation time doing things that will actually refill your tank.

Tune into yourself and examine each activity you’re thinking about doing. Is there a genuine desire to do it?

You may be looking at a to-do list, social commitments or other expectations from yourself or others in what you should do with your time. But, for each thing, try to tune into yourself and ask if you have a genuine desire to do it. If it’s a real “Yes” it will be a yes that feels good in your body, and brings lightness like an exhale; what spiritual teacher Kiran Trace calls a “delicious Yes.” A “Yes” that’s from your mind and motivated only by wanting to be “good” and meet expectations is actually a “No.” It will feel kind of heavy or pressured.

If you’ve found a true “Yes” then go for it and enjoy! But if you get a “No,” then things can get tricky. Our minds can give us so many reasons why we need to do the things that we don’t genuinely want to do. My thoughts would almost always rather have me play it “safe” and follow “shoulds” over fun or what I really want. We can be so conditioned to deny ourselves joy. I look at those thoughts I’m having and examine them. I ask, “If I don’t do these things or at least don’t do them right now - something on my to-do list or what I think I have to do to please others - what will really happen?” Oftentimes, not much or at least I don’t have any evidence that whatever bad thing I think might happen actually will. So there’s an opportunity to listen to myself and choose to do something that brings me more joy.

I get that sometimes your “No” is very inconvenient. Like your whole family wants to go kayaking or do some other activity and you really don’t want to? You may feel obligated, but you do still have a choice here to honor your “No.” It may be hard because yes, you may upset others, but consider if sometimes that’s worth your being able to have the space to replenish your health and energy.

I’m advocating for freedom from the tyranny of our own minds forcing us into doing things we don’t really have to do. I’m not advocating for irresponsibility. So yes, sometimes you have to do whatever it is you don’t like. That’s life. And when you land on one of those things - bills that need to be paid, groceries shopped for, and yes, maybe the deck does need to be stained - here are two things to try: 1) time-box the activity - give yourself an allotted period of time and get back to doing something you enjoy; 2) find a way to make it more fun or do it on your terms. Can you invite friends over to have a deck-staining party? (I once went to a party where we shingled an entire house and it was FUN!) Can you show up to an obligatory BBQ for just a few minutes to say hello, then leave? Can you take your bills etc. to a nice cafe and do your life administrivia there? See how you can change your experience of the task to one that feels better for you.

Make a list of things you genuinely like to do, things that make you feel really good

I have a list of things I like to do posted up in my home. When I have time on the weekend or vacation I look at the list and pick from it. If it's a travel vacation I add to it things I want to do at the destination. I need this because otherwise, my free time could easily become a vacuum for to-dos, requests and obligations. Personally, I can get a rush from knocking things off my to-do list or from pleasing others, but then I also knock myself out and become exhausted with nothing left to give and I certainly don’t feel restored. It’s ironic because the rush in part comes from getting through the task/request so I can then get on with doing something I enjoy and want to do! But the to-dos and possible requests of me never end! So to have enjoyment now means changing my default and deliberately choosing to do things I like. This is where the list can help.

Having a list can also save you from another common default. If you have any free time left over after all the to-dos are done and other obligations are met, how do you spend it? Do you do things that you really enjoy? Or are you doing some of the activities that you think feel good in the moment but are actually sort of numbing? I’m talking about TV, eating, drinking, shopping etc. Sometimes these things can provide genuine uplifting enjoyment, but other times they just provide comfort and don’t necessarily restore or give us energy. You’ll have to check-in with yourself to tell. And no judgment, we can all do this sometimes and in large part, the desire is driven by just how depleted we feel from forcing ourselves through all those “Nos.”

So, make your list of things that you genuinely enjoy, make you feel good and give you energy. When we decide we’re not going to do some of those things that are a “No” it helps to have a list of “Yeses” right there ready to go. It can be active things or just relaxing with a book. Whatever you like! The list helps us learn how to play and identify what kinds of things we enjoy. Before I made my list, I wasn’t really clear on what I liked to do and what filled my tank besides not having to do my to-do list or bend to others requests. It’s an exercise in meeting ourselves.

Why is it important to focus on fun and restoration on vacation?

Following what feels good and doing things you genuinely want to do will help you to feel the way you likely daydream about feeling on vacation; relaxed, restored, reenergized. That’s pretty rewarding, but if your mind also needs a “business reason” why you should tune into yourself and follow what you genuinely enjoy here’s one: it will also help you immensely at work. Research has shown that taking time for recovery is a key part to resilience and success. Taking the time to fill your tank is how you avoid burnout, create the physical and mental conditions to do your best work and navigate your next career steps from a place of clarity and strength.