You can have everything you want for your life. But here’s the catch: you have to be willing to be your authentic self. How do you expect to create a life in alignment with you, to experience fulfillment, ease and joy in your days, if you’re not showing up as and honoring who you really are?

This seems like a simple and obvious observation, and yet so many of us find ourselves in a life that is completely different from what we want to experience. In a life that we thought had us on the right track but feels completely different from how we thought it would.

And there is a simple and obvious observation to explain this too. Who you are and your true desires have never appeared all that relevant. From the time we are children, there is a tremendous amount of instruction, collective conditioning from caregivers and society, telling us to “be this way, not that way.” Some is necessary socialization, but the underlying message we are taught over and over again in various ways is that we must be a certain way to be safe - to be good enough, lovable, worthy. In the quest for these things - which we feel as the quest for our survival - we abandoned our true self. He/She is felt as a hindrance and in the way.

This occurs in all areas of life. Anytime you’re not being your true authentic self, there’s an underlying mental storyline that you can’t be. That you need to be a chameleon and forsake yourself to survive - to fit in and be accepted, to be enough, to be loved...and - what I want to talk about here - to be “successful.”

In our professional lives, the quest for survival translates into the unexamined quest for “success.” We’re taught “successful” - defined as having money, prestige, status, etc. - is what we need to be. Being “successful” is how we will prove we’re “good enough” and feel “safe.” To be “successful” is the underlying motivation behind what we do. And when this - when your fear of not being “good enough,” your deep grasp and need to be “successful” - is making your life choices for you, choices that take you away from your true self, the fulfillment and experience of life you’re really after is not possible.

Instead of experiencing alignment and fulfillment, we enter the land of compromises and convincing ourselves we like what we do because we don’t feel there are any other options, or because we’ve so innocently lost ourselves, we don’t know what else we would do instead. We find ourselves creating a life that looks good on paper while bulldozing any chance of real fulfillment and happiness.

So, how can we unravel ourselves from this? By unraveling and letting go of the identity we have contorted ourselves into and held up in the name of survival. Become aware of where and how you’re holding up a life - perhaps a job and professional identity - that isn’t in alignment with your true self. I’m sure you’re aware of where this is happening for you because you’re aware of all the effort you’re putting in. It’s exhausting. It takes a huge amount of effort to try to be someone deep down we’re not. Perhaps you’re realizing just how unsustainable all this effort is. With awareness of where that effort is coming from - the belief you need to keep doing what you’re doing to survive - you can look more closely and see that this isn’t actually true.

In fact, it’s the other way around. Instead of abandoning yourself, the only way to survive here, and not only that, but to thrive, experience fulfillment, and experience the life you are seeking, is to commit to being and honoring yourself. When you envision the life you want, where you’re happy, experiencing fulfillment, peace, joy, etc. does it make sense that you can create and experience that life while disowning your authentic self?

To come into the embodiment of who you truly are will also require an examination of the narrative driving you. The one that has you reaching for externally defined markers of “success” as a way to prove your worth and feel “safe.” This narrative unravels quickly if you come to realize that you are already inherently good enough. Despite what your ego is telling you, there is no external worldly condition that can touch your worth. There is nothing you can point to that can change just how significant, perfect and essential you are here.

In practice, while you may intellectually understand all this, it’s another thing to actually do it. To really listen to yourself and follow your truth can feel very scary. You’re pushing up against a lifetime of conditioning that says being who you really are and following what you truly want is not a viable option. That it’s not safe. The pain created by this conditioning needs to be touched with tenderness and love. And the more you take steps - even the smallest baby steps - to honor yourself and your true desires, over time you will see and experience that you actually are safe. You can be here as your true self and experience the fulfillment and thriving you’re after. Again, it's actually the only way to.