How To Thrive When Chronic Illness Disrupts Your Career

According to the CDC six in ten adults have a chronic disease, creating a common challenge faced by millions every day: How do you make accommodations in your working life for your health needs? 

Part of my own journey to becoming an entrepreneur came out of developing Lyme disease. Prior to becoming ill, I was in a job which was unsustainable for me to continue. I know I’m not alone in this experience. 

I spoke with two other women with chronic Lyme disease who have adapted to the realities of their medical diagnosis and built thriving careers. These women share experience-backed advice for others who are struggling with a chronic illness which is impacting their ability to perform their job. 

Your dreams and ambitions are just as big as before diagnosis. Your illness doesn’t have to stop you from having a rewarding and fulfilling career. 

Emily Levy is the founder of Mightywell, a medical accessories company, along with friend and cofounder Maria del Mar Gomez. Levy was inspired to start Mightywell out of a desire to create the products missing in the marketplace that she wished she had to make the experience of illness easier. For many facing chronic illness, entrepreneurship may become the path not only because it affords flexibility, but also because illness gives unique insights to where there are unmet needs. This births business ideas and newfound passions. Levy felt the demands of a traditional corporate career path would pose too much of a challenge, but even more so, she felt a “resounding yes” at the idea of Mightywell and it became her “North Star.” 

Hannah Olson, founder of Chronically Capable, has had a similar experience to Levy. Olson found herself with no option but to leave her dream job due to her aggressive treatment schedule. Now, she aims to make sure no one ever has to choose between their health and work ambitions. Chronically Capable connects those with chronic illness and disabilities with flexible job opportunities at progressive companies who have greater willingness to be inclusive and make accommodations. Not everyone wants to start a business or has career ambitions in alignment with entrepreneurship. Olson is working to change the employment landscape to ensure entrepreneurship is not a forced choice. She shares her personal insights of working with chronic illness, but also has guidance for those navigating getting accommodations from an employer.

Whether you are or want to be an entrepreneur, or hope to climb the corporate ladder, here are some key things to consider to help you succeed.

Learn to communicate and speak up for your needs 

In running her company Levy says, “I've had to learn to be very transparent in my needs. I'm not afraid to tell people, sorry, today I just can't do it. I've certainly had to cancel meetings. And I found that just by being transparent and upfront that this is where I am with my health, people are a lot more understanding.”

Speak up early if you’re in an interview process, advises Olson. “[At Chronically Capable] we try to work really closely with our applicants to encourage them to disclose and ask for accommodations upfront. It's a lot easier than waiting six months into the job and having to have this awkwardness.” 

If you’re already in a job you’re going to have to speak up if you want accommodations. Keep in mind that, in the United States, you may have some legal rights for accommodations. Do educate yourself on your situation and seek legal counsel. It’s also encouraging to note that regarding Covid-19, Olson says, “There is going to be a change here, we're in the middle of it. We've learned in the last nine months that an employee doesn't necessarily need to be in an office in order to be productive and that you can be working on your own hours. So many people were left out of the workplace simply because of the fact that they couldn't physically be in an office. This is opening up a world of opportunities for those who had been previously left out.” 

Find community and mentorship 

“There are millions of people with chronic illnesses, but when you have one you can feel like you're the only person,” says Olson. By finding those who understand, you can provide support to one another as you face similar challenges.  

One person to have in your support circle is a solid mentor. “Mentors have completely changed my life and I’d encourage others to find a mentor in that career path or direction that you're aspiring to,” shares Levy. Olson echoes how helpful it is to have a mentor with chronic illness and has found mentorship from Levy invaluable. “She knows exactly what I am going through. Like the stress of talking to investors while you're also going through treatment, and all these things.”

Do what you can, when you can

Levy has learned to be adaptable to the swings of illness. “I would highly recommend for chronic illness founders to bring their laptop to bed if you need to. Some days my legs don't want to come with me but my brain works. I’ll send emails or do funding research. And then there are days I can’t look at a screen and will put on a podcast to keep learning.” 

Levy also suggests trying to plan ahead for when you know your symptoms may flare or needs may change. “I think what a lot of people don’t understand about chronic illness is that I can be on for that three hour event, but they don't see that for three days after, that's going to put me in bed. I try to plan ahead so if we know I'm speaking at our industry's top conference of the year in Las Vegas, we need to make sure I'm taking time off afterwards, at least so I can work from bed.” 

Get support from colleagues or build a team 

“Getting support from your colleagues is another really great tactic. Having those people as your allies and advocates is so helpful because sometimes a manager just might not understand,” explains Olson.  

And if you start a company, don’t go it alone, advises Levy. While entrepreneurship has flexibility it’s still demanding, making it necessary to build a team of support. Maria Del Mar Gomez and Yousef Al-Humaidhi are Levy’s cofounders and together they have worked to ensure the company’s mission is still being supported whether Levy is in the office or not. Del Mar Gomez has become an invaluable support for Levy. “Especially when we were going through Morgan Stanley's accelerator, there were plenty of times where I’d get fully ready, I'd put on the hair, the makeup, the outfit, get out the door and I would get to work and I would be drained. And on those days, I would call Maria. We just have this amazing bond where we kind of speak each other's language.” 

Your first job is your health 

“My health really is my first job, and Mightywell, for better or worse will always be my second job, because if my health isn't there, I can't really function at work,” explains Levy. This is a sentiment shared by Olson who adds, “Managing your chronic illness in itself can be like a part-time or full-time job.” She advises taking time off or slowing down if you can financially afford to. “It’s ok to take time for you. We're so forced as a society to believe that we have to work all the time, I had to teach myself it's okay to slow down and for a while I was working a part-time job.” 

Recognize the benefits and strengths you’ve gained 

Chronic illness nudges you to learn important skills and life lessons everyone ill or not would benefit from. It’s really a masterclass in personal development.   

“We talk so much about all that has been taken from us with our illness. And it's true, so much has been stripped of me, but I've also gained so much,” says Olson. “And I think that the media doesn't represent the strength and opportunities that illness has given us as well. I wouldn't regret being chronically ill now because I've been able to learn and do so much more than I ever would've.” 

Olson suggests using your cover letters to address your illness and highlight these strengths. “Talk about what are the unique skills and attributes that you've gained through this horrible experience, because that could make you an incredible worker. I've gained so much resilience, time management skills, I’m highly adaptable and able to balance a lot of different things. I understand the importance of taking breaks. You gain so much empathy for the people around you and it makes you such a great colleague. You are an asset.” 

Levy agrees and adds that as an entrepreneur illness makes her much more focused. “With limited energy, you have to really be maniacal about what things you're spending your time on. It forces you to keep an eye on your North Star, and make sure that you're being true to yourself and why you started this.”

How To Move Forward When You Unexpectedly Lose Or Need To Leave Your Job

When the rug is pulled out from under us there's often fear, panic, anxiety and lost sleep. Your body can enter fight-or-flight and your days become a rollercoaster of emotions. There’s a not so subtle freak-out in the back of your mind all day shouting, “What’s going to happen next?!” and it motivates frantic fear-driven activity to “make something happen” to land your next gig.  

Out of extreme discomfort, the temptation is to try to push away our emotions and in the panic of groundlessness to reach for any next job offered to us. This may work to ease the feelings of free fall and secure a paycheck. But this strategy has some drawbacks. 

There’s a good chance you might also find yourself in a job you don’t actually want and while you may no longer feel the panic of an unknown immediate future, in pushing away your feelings, you’ll still likely be left with a lot of unresolved inner turmoil about the experience you’re going through now. Leaving a job isn’t easy and there’s a lot to process.

I’m offering an invitation and some guidance on what to try instead.

Meet what's arising inside 

So, the future you projected for yourself is no more. If you look closely, there's a grieving process underway. Losing your job, even voluntarily though reaching a point of needing to walk away, is loss that can trigger the same stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) as other losses in life. And in addition to the fear asking you where you will land next, there may also be painful inner commentaries about yourself. Possibly comparisons to others or thoughts of “I should have done better,” or done something differently to avoid this situation. There can be a lot of beating yourself up, feeling “not good enough,” feeling or fearing shame, or other emotions arising. 

You may be temporarily successful in getting to a different feeling state through distraction or numbing or denial, but the pain will still be there underneath. You can’t actually escape what’s going on inside and these strategies don’t truly make us feel better.

So what can we do instead? 

Welcome all that’s arising. We can acknowledge the feelings and as psychologist and mindfulness teacher Tara Brach Ph.D. instructs, allow the experience to be there, just as it is. Instead of saying No and pushing it all away, we can say Yes, and let it be. This doesn’t mean that you get lost in your emotions (if you do that’s ok though), rather it’s a pointer to, as Tara says, pause and recognize what’s going inside. There are many benefits to doing this, but a big one I experience when I try this is that it allows the energy to move through me and the intensity of the moment passes. It’s helpful to learn that you can be present with your emotions. Try to reach for this practice instead of the distraction of your phone or other moves of avoidance. 

A next step is to do some inquiry. Author Byron Katie teaches to examine your stressful thoughts and see that what they are telling you may not be true. How would you speak to a loved one or dear friend in your situation? Would you agree with their painful self-commentary? Likely not. The truth is often a lot more loving and kind than the things we tell ourselves. And there is a lot of relief in seeing more clearly.

Find what's true about what you want 

In a panic-stricken state there is a move to grab for any next job we can get, but often there is actually some space to take a look around and be a bit more discerning than that. Yes, you want another job, but what kind of job? Doing what? This loss has created a clearing. If you were already doing something you really enjoyed then it remains clear what’s in your heart to pursue. But if not, here is an opportunity for you to make a change to a new job or career that is more aligned with you and what you will enjoy and find fulfilling. 

However, that will require you to, perhaps painfully, admit to yourself that the path you’ve been on isn’t actually what you want. And you’ll have to do the work of finding what it is you do. Not only is there a temptation to reach for any next job, but also to reach for a job that will maintain the current narrative and trajectory you’ve set out. I’ve been there myself, fighting against change by fighting for jobs I deep down didn’t even want. The truth can be very inconvenient, but there will be huge relief. And being honest with yourself will open the door to the possibility of fulfillment in what you do next. The narrative can be one of a caterpillar to a butterfly.

Learn how to be in the free fall and unknown of what’s next 

If your finances or other factors necessitate that you take a job sooner than later and you can’t wait, then of course take the job. Just be aware that’s what you’re doing. And keep your eye on the ball to transition to what you really want to be doing down the road. It’s a personal decision but to the extent that you can comfortably afford to take some time to explore the possibilities, it will give you a greater chance of landing in a job you’re going to really want and enjoy.

But it won’t be comfortable. It’s going to take learning how to live in the free fall, hang out in the unknown and maybe even say No to some potentials or offers for jobs your heart isn’t in. First, develop a practice of meeting your emotions as I described above. Then instead of frantic activity to “make something happen,” try to be more deliberate and conscious about the moves you make. Seek out the people and opportunities you’re genuinely excited about, instead of canvassing the internet. Quality over quantity.

And while your mind is wanting the drama of what's going to happen next to end, remember that, in this moment, you are ok. The fear is about the future, stay in the present. Lastly, while this sounds like the opposite of that, also keep the big picture in mind. A year from now - or likely much sooner - this will be behind you and you’ll be glad you put in the work to reflect on what you really want and seek it out.

5 Powerful Reminders To Gain Your Courage To Change Careers

In a career coaching session, a client recently said to me, "This is way deeper than I thought it would be. In a good way." "Yes," I replied. "This is about your freedom." 

When we think of career navigation we often think of skillsets, qualifications, strategy. We think it's all about rationality and logical thinking. But when we get right down to it, our career choices are really emotional choices. There is a logic on the surface, but deep down that logic is really driven by our emotions - fears, insecurities, etc. 

For example, sure, there's a surface logic that says doing an MBA is a very smart decision, one you will gain from to advance your career. But deep down, what if there's a small inner voice going, “But, I don't really want to do any job that requires an MBA. I don't really want to be on this path.” What if your heart is really in other pursuits? Or maybe you don’t even know what else you would do, just that you don’t genuinely enjoy what’s in front of you. But all that gets pushed aside because the MBA seems like a smart thing to do. And everyone is so encouraging and impressed with your choice. It’s too scary to confront your truth.

You are marching along into the MBA based on your fear. Not very logical close-up, is it? There's a lot of not really listening to and being honest with ourselves and then later wondering what happened and why we're so unhappy. 

What's actually the most rational and logical thing to do? To do a career that you enjoy, that's a good fit for who you are. That's how you'll thrive, have the best chance of succeeding as you show the world your genius, and how you'll get to enjoy your life. But many of us find ourselves very far from jobs that are in alignment with who we are. Those emotional aspects have hooked us and are driving the bus of our life. When we find ourselves in situations we don't like, the first thing to look at is why. What was the real thinking behind these life/career choices?  

Here are 5 things you may find helpful as you reflect on this for yourself. Realizing these very logical truths will free yourself to do what you truly want. Often we can't even access what that might be until we have seen through our flawed thinking. Otherwise, there is a level of noise and confusion in our head so loud it's impossible to hear our own authentic inner voice.

If your reaction to this list is one of distrust, I understand. If someone had said these things to me 10 years ago I would have scoffed at them, thought believing them would just make me weak and take me off script from who I thought I needed to be. I was supposed to be a tough, no-nonsense high-achiever. And you don’t get to the top by being soft and giving yourself a pass (so I thought). But being that way broke me. I was miserable, my view of the world was so harsh and critical of myself and others, and my life was void of meaning and fulfillment. No humanity. Deep emptiness. 

I only found my way after realizing the following points. They have become my truth and myself and my clients can attest that life can feel a whole lot better when you live life through this lens, which again, I argue is not a lens at all, but just what’s true. You can be the judge. 

On with the list:

1. You are good enough just as you are 

Your job or professional accomplishments does not have any bearing on your worth. Accolades and gold stars do not fulfill and will never make you feel how you hope they will. The only thing that will make you feel good enough is owning that you already are. I know the world doesn't feel like it reflects that back to you, but how do you want to live? And what’s really true to you? Do you believe anything can make one person more valuable as a human than another? I don’t. 

Do not deny yourself by building a totally inauthentic life in the name of approval and earning love. Building your life from inauthenticity is building your life on precarious ground. It is a house of cards and it's going to fall. Actually, if you're lucky it will fall sooner than later and you'll get to learn this life lesson and experience a much happier existence. One where you get to be you. You're worthy of love without all the gold stars you've spent every waking moment of your life effortfully pursuing. It's not necessary. And you can have the rest of your life back to do what you truly want. 

2. You are the source of love

If we’re going to walk away from living our life for approval and earning love, where are we going to get it from? Ourselves. Approve of yourself, love yourself. You are the source of love you are looking for. Otherwise, we’re beholden to others dictating our life and we’ll cave to their instruction. We’ll do a lot for love, including suffer.

Who are some people we are all tangled up with in earning approval and love? Our parents. We'd all perhaps like to think as grown adults that our parents have no influence over our life anymore, but if you look closely you may see otherwise. Perhaps you got into this line of work to please them or show them something, and now you're staying for fear of disappointing them, feeling unlovable or not stacking up to their expectations. It’s possible they will accept your new career direction, but either way, your freedom requires you to walk away from them in your mind. They may not genuinely care about who you are or what you want, but that’s not their job anymore, it’s yours. Move forward and walk tall in who you are with love for yourself. 

3.  Your inner struggles are not a problem. There is nowhere to get

There's an inner narrative that goes, "If only I overcame all my inner struggles I would be a grand success." Your anxiety, your fears, your lack of self-confidence etc. are billed as a problem in the way of success. Many self-help books are sold on this premise. It’s fuel to beat yourself up about where you are in life and pick up a story of being broken, defective, not as good as imaginary others who are inner-struggle and problem free, living some fabulous life. But where are you trying to get by “fixing” yourself? My bet is on proving yourself, on getting somewhere “successful” to prove your worth. Oh yeah, all that stuff again. You do not need to work on yourself so you can get “out there” and earn your worth with more accolades. 

Yes, do your inner work, but this is not a race. In fact, there isn’t anywhere to get other than you getting to enjoy your life. And a big step toward that is you accepting yourself just as you are. Ironically, that often brings true healing and the changes you want to see inside, but those changes are just to serve you, not an arrival. So, take all the pressure off. 

 4. You are not alone, not different from anyone else

When we're unhappy in our career it's easy to look around and paint a false picture of everyone else being happy in theirs. You may think, “What's wrong with me? What am I doing wrong? Why does this job feel terrible to me? How can other people be ok with this?” 

Some people may indeed be well suited to the work you're doing, some not. For the latter, remember how excellent you are at hiding what's really going on. Everyone else is too. 

On one hand, we spend a lot of our lives trying to be extraordinary, different and special. And in many ways that have nothing to do with the metrics you're using to measure, you in fact are. But, on the other hand, know that in struggling, in feeling lost, in experiencing pain and confusion, you are entirely not special. You are completely ordinary. And personally I think this is a relief to realize. 

So stop worrying about what other people are thinking or doing. Just focus on you. There's nothing wrong with you for not liking what you're doing and the only thing you need to do is honor that. 

5. You’re allowed to rest. Rest is the way.  

We do not need tough and merciless leaders forcing themselves to grind to the top in something they don’t like just to show they can and quell their fears of inadequacy. We need leaders who have come alive in their sweet-spot, who build from their truth and authentic gifts. We need compassionate, kind, heart-centered leaders that lead with their own humanity. That means you have to be in touch with yours. Even though it’s scary, even though it’s painful, even though it may change you in ways you’re not prepared and others may not understand your choices. That is the point. That’s how we create change in you and the world. And both will be all the better for it.

But how do you get from this perhaps almost burnt out, definitely exhausted state you’re in now, to there? You rest. You give yourself the time and space to stop the striving and nurture the only thing you have neglected in your life: you. You’ve spent your entire life with your head down on singular pursuit of something you’re now realizing you don’t even want and wasn’t even necessary to get the real fruit - worthiness, and after that was earned, rest. Give both to yourself now and you will truly flourish.

How To Figure Out What You Want To Do

Are you ready for a career change? Perhaps you’ve been in your current job for a while and it’s no longer what you want (on reflection maybe it never really was). Or perhaps change is being forced upon you from a variety of factors. Ready or not, you know you need to figure this out and get clarity on your next steps.

So, now what?

Now, you may experience many of the following feelings: grief (what was all that hard work and pain for?), shame, anger, sadness, confusion, anxiety, disorientation, a feeling of being lost, and fear. Lots of fear. Because you have no idea what to do next. You want to enjoy your work and life which means you have to do something you enjoy. But what do you enjoy? Huge mystery. 

Here are some gentle suggestions to help you find your way: 

To start, don’t even think about jobs, just find what you as a unique human being find enjoyable

Starting out, don’t try to think of occupations or titles. That’s too much pressure and confining. Just look for what makes you tick, what interests you, what makes you come alive, what you find ignites some spark in you. 

One way to do this is to observe yourself for a week and write down all the things you’re drawn to and find enjoyable. It’s a pretty illuminating exercise as it builds a picture of “you” and may show you that you actually know more about yourself than you think you do. While experiences can help us understand who we are, it’s not always necessary to get “out there” to discover ourselves. It’s also true that who you are is right here in this moment looking out through your eyes onto this page. You only need to tune in and listen to what is coming through as genuine desires. 

Next, you can begin to think about how your interests might translate into an economic equation called a job. If it’s not immediately apparent, you can reflect on why you like what you like - what’s the underlying desire? I love reality TV because (regardless of how actually real it is) I have a desire to understand what’s really going on in people’s lives. I’m drawn to the humanity. This just one of the many reasons why coaching is a good fit for me. 

Aim for intrinsic enjoyment 

If you want to get up and enjoy how you spend your days then you need to find what brings you intrinsic enjoyment, what you like doing not because of what you have to show after you do it, but because you enjoy the actual act of doing it. You need to learn what it feels like to do something because you actually want to, not because you should. Most of us have spent our lives dedicated to “shoulds” - so look to the next point for help with this. 

Follow what feels good 

When trying on different ideas for your new career direction, test out how it feels to you in your body. Mentally put yourself in the position of doing this new career you’re thinking of and see how it actually feels to do. You want to locate and follow what feels good, not what sounds good to your mind with all its arguments as to why you should want to do something. Sometimes we can think we want something, but it’s only because our mind has convinced us we should want it. Learn to spot the difference. And one way to do that is with your body. Oprah’s life coach, Martha Beck, calls this the “Body Compass.” It knows the way. And a tip: of course you may feel fear, but that shouldn’t stop you from pursuing the excitement.

Find what’s meaningful to you

People often tell me they want to do something meaningful, but haven’t given much thought to the obvious next question I ask, “What do you find meaningful?” Then there’s silence. If you’re having a hard time answering this, here’s a question that can help you back into an answer. What would you do if you could do anything? If money and resources were no object, you knew you could not fail, you did not have to worry about the opinions of others, etc.?

This usually illuminates what’s truly stirring deep in one’s soul. I’ve heard answers like save the planet, work with children, help people understand each other, be an artist. And these answers can point to environmental conservation, education, photojournalism, starting an Etsy shop or others.    

Put the opinions and voices of others aside 

It’s likely that listening to them is what got you into this mess in the first place. So you can see how, however well-intentioned, others aren’t able to tell you what’s right for you. Sure, take advice into consideration, but it’s your voice and inner knowing of what’s true for you that matters most. Your mentor may have the strategy to get into a corner office somewhere in 5 years, but you’re the one that has to get up every day and do the work, live that life. And if that doesn’t feel exciting or remotely good to you, that’s a giant red flag. Heeding it is how you avoid finding yourself however many years down the road in the same situation. You have an opportunity now to get to live your life for you, on your terms, with your happiness in mind. Take it. 

I empathize. When I was right where you are now, I had no idea where to turn. I found help in some random places and I'm lucky I did because I could have easily ended up depressed and given a pep talk by those around me to force myself back into the jobs that would look good on paper or to my parents etc., but were all wrong for me. The way through is in deeply listening to you and honoring who you are and what you want. One day sitting in an interview for one of those ill-fitting jobs (the interviewer scanning my resume seeing only the person I was presenting), I realized that if I wanted to have a life that felt good to me I’d have to walk away from these jobs and show up here in the world as the real me.

Stress-Relieving Reminders For Those Living In Work Limbo

Perhaps you’ve been furloughed, perhaps you’ve been let go, or maybe you came to the realization you were too unhappy and needed to quit, global pandemic be damned. For anyone in one of the above situations you’re likely afraid and asking yourself, “What’s next? What’s going to happen next?!” Enter anxiety, panic, confusion and a feeling of groundlessness. It’s like a rug has been pulled out from under you. The mental runway of what you had pictured for your future has dissolved. You’re in free fall, desperately wanting answers and direction. 

This is a very challenging spot to be in. I know. I can point to what it’s like because I’ve experienced it. It takes a lot of strength to walk through. The thoughts and emotions can be very intense and painful. It’s not easy to navigate in any circumstance, let alone during a global crisis when there are huge question marks looming over much of the entire job market, not just you. 

Here are 5 things to keep in mind to dial back your stress and take your next steps.

See the opportunity here

When the mental picture of your future is pulled away from you, there’s an opportunity. What’s on offer is a chance to lift your head up from the constant focus on your work and “getting ahead.” Ask yourself, “Is where I’ve been trying to get in that job where I truly want to go?” Even more, since there isn’t even much of a “there” there (arrivals are elusive), the real question is, “Am I enjoying this journey? Have I been enjoying my day to day lived experience of my work?”

Ultimately, is the near and distant future you had painted for yourself what you genuinely even want? This is an opportunity to reflect on these questions and identify what you truly want for your life. 

It’s ok to mourn the loss 

It’s likely you worked hard in your job, and now it feels as though it’s amounted to nothing. Whether you’re being forced to change direction through external or internal forces, it can feel like a giant loss. In hindsight you may see it’s actually a gift, but right now there’s a grieving process to move through. Don’t push all that you might be feeling aside. Let the natural process happen and give it time. 

Then perhaps see the situation more accurately: it’s not that your experiences have amounted to nothing, they’ve just not led to where you thought they would. But how do you know that what’s happening right now isn’t part of getting you to where you want to go (especially if you’re taking note of point 1)? You really don’t. 

Your mind will not be able to predict where you will land 

When in your life has your mind known anything about how something will go? There are very few instances. This will be no different. The future is a mystery, a dance with the unknown. But you do have to dance. Don’t get stuck in “I don’t knows” or fear and inaction. Getting greater clarity on what you want to do next for work is where you start (which yeah, often isn’t a walk in the park so try reading this). Then all you have to do is take small steps toward it, get in the dance. 

Each step prompts an interaction with others and many moving pieces and variables (especially in this economic climate). You can’t control all that, but you can control how well you stay focused on what you want, and keep exploring the world to see how it might happen. 

Your mind may be anxious to secure an ending to the drama, to know how this all plays out and get to your next gig, but that’s how you find yourself in a random job you don’t actually want. Then back at square one where you are now. So, if your finances allow, try to gather the willingness to hang out in the mystery for a bit. Not easy, I know, so see below. 

Uncertainty is exhausting. Practice acceptance and give yourself what you need

Living in uncertainty can be exhausting. The exhaustion comes from all the intense mental activity, the fears, all the feelings that are coming up that you’re trying to run from all day - doing that in itself is a full-time job. And perhaps your usual tool to escape - work - isn’t there for you anymore so it’s just you battling yourself all day. Or maybe you’re filling your time to the brim with other home-based tasks to stay productive and distracted. But there’s no real relief in that, just more exhaustion.

What is a relief though? Accepting how you feel. As my teacher Kiran Trace says, acceptance is “just finally saying, yup, yup this is where I am...this is me, this is pain, this is hurt, this is enough, this is frustrating, this is fatigue.” All the feelings are welcome. 

When I practice acceptance things feel lighter as I’m no longer working so hard to push everything down. Then I find what it is I need at that moment to feel better - perhaps it’s going for a walk, taking a long hot shower, watching a funny TV show, or just resting in bed. It’s not frantic distraction, it’s self-care. There’s someone finally listening to how you feel: you. 

Seek out those who can understand and talk with you

This is a legitimate thing to seek help with. Our work takes up a huge part our lives and individual identities. Any change can be very disorienting and stressful. The thing is though not everyone can really understand what you’re experiencing and help you. Some can sympathize, but few will have tools to help you understand what’s really going on inside for you and how to move forward. 

Talk to a career coach like myself, or a counselor or therapist, or perhaps you do have a very wise and insightful friend. Seek out whomever you feel is appropriate for you. Just know you don’t need to keep it all in and figure this out on your own. And needing help doesn’t mean anything about you other than you have the courage to raise your hand.

What To Do If You Have Lost All Motivation For Your Work

Maybe some event catalyzed this change inside, or maybe it’s been a slow progression, but now you find yourself with very little of the motivation for your work and career that you used to have. And it’s a tricky spot to be in, as you may be looking around to see many around you working hard, taking things seriously, and continuing their drive to hit the marks. That used to be you, but now things feel different. 

If this resonates, I’ve been there too. To be honest, I still am. To reveal that feels like exposing a secret as our collective culture values drive and ambition so much that lacking them feels like something to hide. Truthfully, I haven’t had any motivation since 2015. Losing it was scary and disorienting, but really a gift. It forced me to look closer at what motivation is often really about and see the real drive behind the drive. 

I found “motivation” to actually be a potentially harmful, unhelpful at best, concept. Your losing it can be an opportunity to see this and open the door for change. There is something else much more sane, sustainable and nourishing to orient one’s life; real motivation that isn’t even motivation at all. 

What’s actually driving you is often fear

Before 2015, I lived my life with a ton of motivation driving me. It got me up every morning and propelled my day. I worked hard and gave "success" my all. Rest and enjoyment of life was a distant consideration or something that would only come in the future. It was exhausting. So much so that I completely burnt myself out. By the end of grad school and three jobs later I crashed. 

Then I had to take a look at what all that motivation was really about—fear. And from speaking with my coaching clients I can see that’s the energy behind many people’s motivation in their work. To say, “I’m motivated” can often really mean, “I’m afraid and I’m going to work hard to get this thing I think I need to be safe.” 

For me, I was generating all my energy to work hard, strive and succeed from a place of fear that I'm not good enough if I don't make something important and successful of myself. I didn't have any genuine desire to do the things I was doing in my life. I was only doing them so I could meet the need of proving my worth through names on a resume or accomplishments. There was no authentic desire underpinning the motivation to get up every day, just a ton of fear. 

Maybe for you it’s not about proving yourself. Maybe it’s a level of wealth you think will make you feel secure. Maybe it’s achieving something you think will finally win you your parents’ approval. It could be any number of things, but I bet if you look there’s some fear there that has been providing the fuel to your past motivation. And while your motivation may be waning now from sheer exhaustion, that fear is likely still there and creating panic that you need to get your drive back ASAP. But, you just can’t. And that’s an invitation to look directly at the fear. 

The fear is likely lying to you. And it’s making you deny yourself for delayed rewards that actually never come

First, look closely at what your fear is telling you. What is it saying you need to be or get? What does it say the consequences for failure are? Fear is more often than not, lying to you. So see how your thinking is not necessarily accurate. For me, the truth is that I already am enough. We are all already enough. No proving is ever required.  

Next, look at what your fear has been getting you to do and the lengths it’s been getting you to go. There’s usually an inner narrative that says something like, “I need to sacrifice myself, deny my needs, my genuine desires, my enjoyment of life for the future reward, for the thing I need to feel safe.” 

But the thing is that the future you’re hoping for never comes. Even if you hit the mark, get the promotion, the job title, the raise, the fill-in-the-blank, the feeling of safety you're chasing and sacrificing yourself for never really comes—the target just moves further out. The fatigue from this hamster wheel is part of the burnout. 

As I hit a wall I realized that no amount of "success" would make me "enough." There's always the next hoop to jump, there would be no end to this and to the sacrificing of the enjoyment of my life. No future rest, and no feeling of safety, ever. Yes, the burnout was demotivating, but what really pulled the linchpin out of me was seeing all this false logic I was basing my life on. 

It’s wonderful to see all this clearly. By recognizing the lies and false logic we’ve been following we can reclaim our life back from a lifetime of forced striving. But, I was left wondering, as you may be as well, “What will get me out of bed in the morning now? What will get me back to being engaged in my work?”

Shift from fear to enjoyment 

If we’re not going to move from fear anymore, what else can we move from? We’ve got to connect with the genuine desire that has been lacking. We can stop forcing ourselves to do things that are a means to an illusionary end and start doing things that fulfill our desires in the present moment. You don’t need motivation when you’ve got enjoyment under your sails.  

The inner narrative can instead say, “I'm excited to do this thing today because I genuinely want to for the sake of itself. And it will be immediately rewarding to do because it brings me enjoyment and satisfaction while I’m doing it.” There is no promise of a delayed reward for your sacrifice because there is no sacrifice required. It’s a much more sane, sustainable and fulfilling way to live. You could say you’re now motivated by the enjoyment, but usually, when we speak of doing things we like to do we don’t think of it in terms of motivation—we would never say “I’m motivated to pet my dog.” You just do it because it feels good, it’s a natural and genuine movement for you to do. There’s something actually in it for you, as opposed to “motivation” where there’s really nothing directly nourishing in it. You’re just doing it because of the mental narrative that someday it will pay off. 

So how do you find enjoyment and what does this mean for your work?  

In a nutshell, you stop denying yourself and start honoring who you are, what you like, what you’re naturally drawn toward and how you want to spend your days. You drop the shoulds, you drop the false fear-based storylines and instead of letting them push your desires aside, they come to be front and center. They’re the guide to what kind of work is going to feel good to you and get you excited to do. 

What authentically feels good to you? What needs to change for you to experience enjoying what you do? Maybe you need to change jobs, change careers, change the nature of the work you’re doing in your industry, shift the clients you work with. You know best what you need to find that alignment, to find that spark. I’m just giving you the nudge to value it more and start looking for it. That’s what you’re wanting to find, not “motivation.”

4 Simple But Powerful Tools To Help You Move Through Fear As You Take Your Next Career Step

Making work/career changes can bring up a lot of fears - fear of failure at what you’re going to do next, fear of making a mistake, fear of the possible judgments of others, fear of giving up what you have now and later regretting it - the list could go on and on. These fears have the potential to stop us from going for what we want, but they’ll have much less power if we learn some tools to help us address them. Once examined, we can see many of our fears are really coming from our mind whipping up false narratives about potential events that are not currently happening, likely won’t happen, and even if they were to happen, would not be nearly as big a deal as we initially think. Our minds like to make these things feel very high stakes when in reality they are not. 

To illustrate how I use each of the tools to help myself, I’ll use an example of my own experience of leaving a job and the fears that it brought up for me in the past. I’m a career coach not because I’ve had some amazingly smooth sailing career journey, but because I had to face a lot of challenges, many of which you might be experiencing now. I learned a tremendous amount about work and happiness and can’t imagine not sharing what I learned with others. 

1. Play it out and examine the facts 

Often what we fear is a worst-case disaster scenario. For myself, each time I left a “good job” without another job lined up, I’d have fearful thoughts of completely failing in my career, never being able to find another job and ending up destitute - cue visuals of homelessness. My life mastery coach, Doren Lawson, taught me this quick exercise. Identify the worst-case situation that you’re worried about. Then ask yourself, “What is the likelihood of this worst-case situation happening by my taking this one next step?” The interesting thing to see is that it’s often quite low. In my example, the chances of my never finding my way to another job and ending up without basic needs were actually very slim.

Look closer at what would actually have to happen for this worst-case to become a reality. My thinking was that if I couldn’t immediately find a job with the same salary and one my ego likes, I’d be homeless. But that just doesn’t make sense. I wouldn’t have liked it, but I could have found a job that would cover my basics while I continued to search. We can be quick to forget all the resources that are available to us, including our own strength, ingenuity and know-how. Whatever happens as you take your next step, you will be able to respond and in all likelihood, it will be ok. 

2. Look at your thinking and find what’s true 

Fear often has little to do with any sort of physical survival like I mentioned in my example above and more to do with our own beliefs about ourselves and the world. Our mind makes things mean way more than they actually do and the significance it places on events and outcomes can create so much unnecessary fear and suffering. It can really help to examine the situation you’re afraid of and the conclusions your mind may be jumping to that are creating your fear. Ask yourself, “If this situation happens, what am I making it mean about myself?” Then you want to look a the validity of that thinking. The work of author and teacher Byron Katie changed my world when I learned from her that the majority of our stressful thoughts are not true!

In the past, I equated my professional accomplishments and résumé with my worth. So leaving a “good job” that gave me a sense of identity as a “successful” and worthy person was excruciatingly difficult. I was terrified of losing my acceptability and no longer being “good enough.” And of not succeeding at the next thing to regain it. I could have asked myself, “If I leave this job, does it mean what I’m making it mean? If I face challenges in what I do next, does it mean what I’m making it mean?”  If I had taken the time to look at my thinking, I would have been able to see the answers are no and my thinking was not true. The truth is that your worth is inherent, untethered from professional achievement, from lines on your résumé, from the concepts of success or failure, from having or not having a job that others deem prestigious or acceptable. If I had realized this back then it would have made leaving my job a lot less scary. 

 3. Ground yourself in the present. And get out of your head

Fear comes from living in a narrative of the imaginary future. It’s all projection. Since we can’t know what’s actually going to happen in the future, it’s best we don’t spend too much of our energy focused on the numerous potential scenarios. That’s a great way to make ourselves anxious - and that’s about it. It’s also helpful to remember that we aren’t even aware of many of the possible ways things could go - life is so unpredictable! And that can even play to our favor, bringing us what we want in ways we never would have imagined. When I left my job, I had no idea that this is what I would be doing today. 

Ideally, we could politely thank our mind for wanting to jump into the future, but make a deliberate choice to stay in the present. Sometimes this works, but often I find when I’m scared about something, my mind is totally fixated on it and letting it go is the last thing it wants to do. My mind wants to think through all the angles over and over, making me totally exhausted from the stress. What I’ve found works to get out of this state is doing any activity that gets me out of my head. It could be meditation, or exercise or anything you enjoy that is grounding. After, I find not only am I more present but because I’m not so caught up in the fear I can look at the situation more objectively and more easily do the exercises mentioned above.  

 4. Comfort the part of you that’s still scared

You may still feel the sensations of fear. They may not go away even after applying all these tools. And that’s totally ok. With these exercises you will gradually develop a part of you that has more clarity around your fears, that can see they don’t warrant as much of your attention as you once thought. But there may remain a part of you that is still very scared. My coach, Doren Lawson, has taught me another technique that’s very effective. While the initial impulse may be to try to push the fear away - instead speak to it. Remind it of what’s true and comfort it. From the part of you that has clarity, bring comfort to the part of you that is scared. You don’t need to jump into the fear with it - instead, speak to it like you would a child afraid of a monster under the bed - validating that they are scared, but lovingly and calmly reassuring them they are safe.

Still today I have a part of me that doubts my inherent worth, that sometimes hooks me with narratives and makes me scared that if I don’t achieve something or be a certain way it will mean I’m not ok. In those times, when I catch that this is what is happening, I use loving language to speak to that part of me and remind her that she is now and will always be ok, no matter what.

3 Ways Harnessing The Power Of Self-Love Can Bring Career Success

We can often approach our work with a lot of pushing and striving and aggressive evaluations of our performance. And no one can be a harsher commentator and fear-based motivator than that critical inner voice we all have. Personally, I used to have a tiny dictator in my mind giving me marching orders to work harder, try harder, and when my performance wasn’t up to my own standards it would deliver some very unnecessarily brutal commentary.

And I thought I needed that voice to push me and that without it I wouldn’t be successful. In my work as a career coach, I’ve found this kind of thinking is actually quite common. 

But what if it isn’t quite right? What if it’s actually the other way around? What if, instead of a biting critic, the cultivation of a kind and loving inner voice is a much more powerful force to help us get where we want and create the career and life we want? Does it not make more sense that a nurturing and encouraging voice would help us be all that we can and want to be? 

Taking a kinder approach of self-love can help to more easily navigate day-to-day work challenges and open more doors to your career potential than a pushing, prodding and overly critical mind. 

Below are three ways that taking an approach of self-love can greatly benefit your career (and health, sanity and happiness!). But first, what does it mean to cultivate a more loving inner voice?

American Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön, in her book When Things Fall Apart, writes of “Maitri”- a Sanskrit word meaning “loving-kindness and an unconditional friendship with ourselves.” We can draw from this concept and think of developing a voice that speaks to you gently and compassionately as you would to a dear friend you care deeply about. Often when we are speaking with others we are kinder and offer perspectives that are much wiser and closer to the truth. We want to practice turning that same warmth toward ourselves.   

Here are three things that change for the best when you’re practicing self-love: 

1. You’re open to taking more risks - because they’ll feel less “risky” 

Part of practicing self-love is seeing your worth as inherent and not dependent on external circumstances being a particular way. Self-love helps you know and feel you are ok, worthy, good enough no matter what happens. In turn, risks tend to feel a lot less “risky” as much of the fear comes from what we tell ourselves it means about us - all the things that inner critic would say - if the outcome isn’t what we had hoped. As author Byron Katie says, "It's not the problem that causes our suffering; it's our thinking about the problem."

If you see your worth as separate from potential outcomes, there’s less riding on what happens if you take a risk - failure is no longer a high-stakes blow and catalyst for an abusive inner dialogue.

This is tremendously freeing. It shifts how you approach your life and the choices you make. You will find more ease in opening a lot of doors you have previously been too afraid to - be it starting that new business, making that career change or taking on that project you’ve been sitting on. 

Think of how a young child needs lots of loving encouragement to feel safe to explore the world. Children are taking many risks every day in order to learn and grow. You wouldn’t speak to a child the way you speak to yourself when you’re also trying your best to find your way and succeed. Give yourself the same nurturing, patient, accepting and loving presence and there’s nothing you can’t do. 

2. You will care less about what other people think and get to shine by being you 

When our only source of love is outside of ourselves, we become beholden to doing and being what we think is required to attain and maintain that love. Often we are afraid to be our true selves in the world because we’re trying to please or be accepted by others. We can make career choices that we feel are safe or appease others. But what you're really appeasing is your fear of rejection if you took a path that feels more true and authentic to you. When you begin to give yourself the love and unconditional acceptance you seek, you will be less concerned with what others think and more free to make career/job choices that are in alignment with what you genuinely want. And that’s where you’ll hit your stride - we excel when we’re honoring our unique talents and doing what we love. 

3. You’re less likely to experience career burnout or illness

We can get so caught up in taking everything so seriously - work demands and hitting performance markers always seem so important - we can forget that most things in life are actually the small things. The big things are things like your health, wellness and happiness or enjoyment of life. 

The challenge is that no one is going to value and advocate for those things for you. It’s up to you to be aware how you’re taking care of yourself. While it may be required occasionally, we can often find ourselves consistently putting work ahead of our own needs and making choices that aren’t loving and supportive of our wellbeing. If you’re not mindful of the importance of valuing and tending to your needs you’ll have a high chance of career burnout and/or illness. 

If you’re more cognizant of what’s really important and the path of self-love, you’re less likely to stay long-term in a situation that’s deteriorating your mental, emotional, or physical health. Self-love will help you speak up for your needs or take the leap to leave that job and find one where you can thrive - even if there are commentaries from your inner critic telling you scary things about what it will mean if you leave or how you should “stick it out.”

And that’s the thing: despite your best efforts, your mind is likely going to continue be full of all that unhelpful and harsh commentary. Your critical voice has had years and years of practice and may continue to be very strong. The best we can do is try to be aware of when it’s speaking, what it’s telling us and at the same time be aware of what the more loving and kind perspective in that moment or situation is. It’s great if you can quiet down that critical voice, but it’s not entirely necessary to begin to make a shift and practice more self-love.