Often one is only ready to confront change in their job/career when the current situation has reached a dire place. When what were once small nudges that this circumstance is out of alignment ramp up to reach full shoves; either coming internally from your own increasing unhappiness or externally from painful events that give you a clear signal to make a move (ex. getting put on crappy/intense projects w bad managers, getting poor performance reviews, getting let go, generally having pretty janky experiences that have you wondering 'why me?')
While we can wait for the inevitable push toward the necessary change, might we be able to avoid some (all?) of this suffering if we take notice and find the courage to move on sooner than later? Yes of course, but that requires having an increased self awareness of why we push aside or attempt to ignore those early signs that point to a need for change.
Here are a few things to be aware of that may be going on inside when you think about change. The more we can witness and, with compassion, call out these internal struggles the more we can see ourselves and situation clearly.
1. You’re afraid of putting yourself ‘out there’
Change will require asking people for guidance, introductions or other help, and perhaps applying for new roles. You’re going to put yourself in many situations where you may hear another’s ‘No.’ Fair enough, but unfortunately many have a tendency to make that No mean more than it does. Your mind can take a No to mean you’re not good enough or skilled enough or that change isn’t possible for you.
They’re not true, but can be such captivating self narratives that one doesn’t even want to expose themselves to the risk of hearing a No. Instead we can stay paralyzed until the potential pain of a perceived “rejection” is less than the pain of staying in the status quo. There really isn’t any reality to the concept of “putting yourself out there” if you’ve examined and dismantled the narratives that make it feel scary.
2. You don’t really want to acknowledge that you don’t like this work/situation
Despite that this is what we went to school for or what we’ve done for a long time or what people know us for etc. the truth may be that you just don’t like this anymore (or maybe never really did). But change could mean upsetting “the plan” ourselves or others have for us. There can be a lot of internal or external pressure to just “be ok” with this and ‘make it work.’ The mental narrative may say, “It’s not that bad, I can do this, look at everyone else who is ok with this.” Change is perceived as too much work, too scary, to exposing, too vulnerable, too confirming of other negative self narratives (ex. I’m a failure, there’s something wrong with me, I’m a disappointment, I’m stupid for finding myself here etc.)
So a ton of effort is put forth to put your head down and push through thinking it’s the easier path. But think about how much work it actually is to day-in-day-out try to convince yourself you’re ok with this? It takes courage, but in the big picture it’s the path of kindness and less pain to just be honest with yourself about how you really feel.
3. You’ve made your work a big part of your identity, and are clinging to it
Who would you be without this job/title/company? It’s normal to make your work part of who you are, but if you feel like you don’t even know who you would be in the world without it, that’s definitely going to come up for you when you think about change. To change would mean entering the unknown and letting this old self go. To allow the shedding and transformation. And the invitation here is really to look deeply and reflect on what’s really true about who you are. Consider that what you do for work is simply an expression of yourself, not you. And that expression naturally changes over time. We are free to evolve.
4. Your beliefs about what you want to do instead are holding you back
I often see people who claim they don’t know what they want to do when the truth is that they really do know. They’re just afraid to do it. They have a lot of beliefs about their desires. They may think it doesn’t look good enough on paper, or it won’t be living up to self imposed or others expectations, it will look bad if I fail at this new thing, it won’t make enough/it will make too much money, it’s selfish to do this thing etc. etc. There are a million judgments about what they want to do and often a belief that “I should really do XYZ instead,” the option that feels safe yet confining (note: big red flag if an option feels this way). If left unexamined you may never escape this mental prison. No one is forcing you to take any action, but just start by finding the willingness to look at what comes up for you when you think about your desires. What are the stories/narratives you make up about it?
Having awareness of what’s going on inside is actually the first step to change. You can’t make shifts around things that you don’t see. But it’s not easy to do this inner work.You may have even felt a twinge of resistance just reading this list, resistance to looking at your resistance around change. That’s ok, bring compassion to the part of you that feels the resistance as it’s coming from fear. But just be aware that’s what’s happening.
Seeing all these inner movements is where we start in my Career Change Clarity Coaching. And it's all done with warmth and compassion, that's the only energy that allows for healing and transformation. Deep bow to the confusion, panic, fear, painful thoughts. They are allowed to be here. But let's not allow them to hold us back from finding our way through to a life built around our joy. Courageous stuff, but you can do it.
