Back in grad school while struggling to find any joy amongst the slog of schoolwork I went to see a school counselor. She asked me, "What do you like? What subjects do you like to study? What do you like to do in your free time?"
I was speechless. I was not expecting her to actually try to get to know me. But also, I was silent because I just couldn't answer her. I had no idea what I liked.
And while I stared blankly back at her my internal response to this question was illuminating.
Inside I thought, "Lady, I'm not here because I like anything, I'm here because I'm supposed to be. This is the thing you do to be "successful," meet expectations, get where everyone is working so hard to get. I'm working hard to get there too. I'm not here because I like it."
It was the first time I really admitted this to myself. But instead of saying all that aloud to her, I then asked the next question on my mind.
"What does it even mean to like something?" I replied.
Now she was speechless. And didn't have an answer.
But I have one now.
My thinking back then was that maybe you could get yourself to like things, that liking something is a matter of convincing yourself you like it or making it interesting to you in some way so that it becomes something you like. If that was the case, then it wouldn't matter what I like or not because would have the power to change it.
I wanted to take this approach because, well, it seemed that those who naturally liked certain things would get ahead in life more easily. If I could just force myself to like my school work and the corporate jobs that would come after it then I would be "successful" and like my life. Problem solved. I wouldn't be unfairly punished and less "successful" because I naturally prefer the poetry of words and psychology (what I thought was soft, wishy-washy stuff) over economics and Excel spreadsheets.
I really, really tried.
But, it doesn't work that way.
Liking something is not a mental exercise. You can't trick yourself into liking something. You either do or you don't. No amount of wanting to like something will work. That's not liking something, that's just pushing aside that fact that you don't like it. And not a viable long-term option.
So, the question, what does it mean to like something?
Possibly many answers, but one that rings true for me is that liking something comes from your body, not your mind.
It's what creates that excited, light, uplifting sensation.
You can't fake it. You can't generate from your mind's attempts at convincing and arguments. It's there or it's not. You can't fake aliveness. What it means to like something is that your body and being get turned on by it.
And it’s part of what makes you uniquely you.
My right life was not in denying what I like, but in nurturing it. And at first, I needed to do a lot of nurturing to locate and put a voice to what those likes are. I had done too good a job of pushing them aside.
Then when I could identify some things that did excite me I needed to accept and honor them. Which is really about me accepting and honoring me, exactly as I am, not how I wished I would be.
That's what we can do together. We can find your spark. Explore what you like. Or maybe you already know but don't know what to do with it. We can nurture it. Envision a life that is built around those likes, around you. Not the shoulds, the expectations, the path you think you need to be on.
Let's find the path where you get to feel that excited, light, uplifting sensation every day.
That's how I feel writing this to you, and getting to work with people like you. I know for myself and for my clients it's possible. And it's possible for you too. Read more about that here.
Let's be friends! It's better together.
