Many of us have been taught to go to school, work hard, get good grades and get a "good job.” Usually, at the time, we don't even really know what that means, but are told that certain ones are "good." So, we put on our hustle and do everything we can to get one of those.
Then, I think the fairytale says you are supposed to be super successful and live happily ever after. But, for many people I speak to, myself included in the past, things don't go that way. Instead, you get into the "good job" and realize, yikes - you hate it.
Now what?
Well, now you can either stay in a job that makes you miserable or do the work of finally figuring out and following what you want to do - not what society, family, friends, peers, professors etc. tell you to do - what you want to do.
This is obviously easier said than done. It takes tremendous courage to step off of the path laid ahead of you, the path that feels safe and familiar, the path others have told you and you've told yourself your whole life you should be on.
But, it's also not as hard as it seems. Here are four things to know to get you started. They’re meant to encourage, provide a different perspective and help you find the courage to finally find and go after what makes you happy!
1. Only you know what's best for you
We often look to and listen to others for career guidance. Following advice you received in the past may be how you found yourself in this “good job.” Well, here’s the thing; all our professors, guidance counselors, bosses, mentors, co-workers, family members, friends etc. are just trying to help and may have some gems of wisdom, but they can’t really know what’s best for you. If they were instrumental in guiding you down the path you’re on now my case is in point. So now, as you plan your next move, keep in mind that what they may be telling you to do is not the only way and it may not be right for you. Only you can really know what’s best for you. Focus on finding what feels best for you and then trust yourself.
2. Accept who you are as a unique individual. This job is just not a good fit for you and that’s ok.
When we are about to step off the path we’re on, especially when we’ve been taught it’s a "good" one to be on, we can get down on ourselves. We can wish we were like “everyone else” at work who seems to be ok with the job (or not nearly as miserable). We make our inability to stay in the job mean something bad about us; there can be feelings of shame, anger at ourselves for not being different and able to "make it work" etc.
When we’re in these situations we need to find acceptance of who we are. You’re not them and that’s ok. Everyone is different and this job is just not a good fit for you. You’ll find one that is.
Also, remember that you really don't know what others are going through. More than once after I've quit a "good job,” my ex-colleagues would then confide in me that they're struggling with job unhappiness too. So, it’s often not just you.
3. You have a ton of options for work. Open your mind!
The world today has so many options for work! If you don’t feel that this article by poet and author Janne Robinson will surely inspire you. She writes,
There are kids pranking their moms on their Youtube channels getting paid...We live in a cool time–are you aware of what we can do, what you can do?... Speak your truth, be your truth, live your truth—and go make some money off your truth while you’re at it.
I’m not necessarily saying you should become a YouTuber, but rather encouraging you to see all the options for work actually available to you. We tend to get into some pretty narrow thinking. To get the creative juices flowing, similar to what Janne also asks in her article, I like to ask my coaching clients, “If you woke up tomorrow with unlimited cash, time and resources what would you do?” That’s your passion. And there's likely a way you can make money from it.
4. It’s never really “starting over”
Maybe in your new job/career, you might not directly use your degree or any of your professional work experience to date but it’s never really starting over. You’ve still learned a ton and have experience and skills you’ll take into your next thing. Personally, I’ve started three businesses and each in wildly different industries, but each time I start a new venture I’m leaning on a lot on skills and know-how I learned from the past ones. And even if you’re not an entrepreneur, many employers will value what you’ve done, your intellect and the different perspective you bring to the table.
Also, it may help to reflect for a moment on the language and idea of “starting over.” It implies we’re trying to get somewhere. So does this idea we have of “getting ahead.” But, ask yourself, “Where am I trying to get?”
One possible answer is that we’re trying to get to a life where we’re happy and enjoy how we spend our days. Making a change and finding work that’s a better fit will likely give us a much better chance at this. So, if you must call it “starting over,” it’s with a much more effective strategy of getting what you want; happiness.
Wrapping our mind around leaving a “good job” can be tricky. We’ve often worked very hard to get ourselves to this point so it can be hard to disentangle ourselves and find a new path. But, if you remind yourself of these things, it can make finding the courage to make a change a lot easier.
