I was sitting in an interview when I began to think that maybe I didn’t want to be the way you’d think the person outlined on my resume would be. That person would put in long hours and do whatever needed to be done to please, perform and get results. But being that way was exhausting. It was fueled by an energy of constant pushing and striving for the next achievement.
I had been putting in tremendous effort thinking that at some vague point in the future, there would be a reward or payoff from all this achieving - at some point I’d get to rest and be happy. But sitting in that interview, I was starting to realize that perhaps my thinking was wrong. Perhaps in this next role, and the ones after that, I would just continue to push and strive for the next thing and continue to labor myself to exhaustion. I was cluing in that there really would be no end to this moving target of achievement. And I honestly wasn’t really sure where or what I was striving to get through all the achievements in the first place, besides the chance to at some point stop.
So, after this and a few other “aha moments,” I decided to just stop. I removed myself from the interviews and my whole job search. I took a sabbatical from work and decided I wouldn’t return to any job until I found another way of being in the world. One where my desires, needs, health, relationships and happiness would matter more than or be aligned with my achievements. And where my work, whatever it would end up being, would support rather than diminish the quality of my life. Chasing the forever moving target of achievement was costing me too much. At the time I had no idea how to get there, to this new life, but I had a strong willingness to see if I could.
What I’ve learned in my journey is what has led me to my work now - career coaching. I now help others unravel the ways of being that aren’t serving their happiness and navigate their way towards a life that’s aligned with what they want and a whole lot more enjoyable.
Here are 5 key things I learned in order to stop chasing the moving target of achievement and create success on my own terms:
1. You define success.
If you don’t define what success is for yourself it will be a moving target. If you let success be defined as reaching the next thing put in front of you, you’ll never get there. There is always something next to achieve. Unless you consciously stop and ask yourself what you define as success, you could end up chasing it your whole life.
2. Enjoy what you’re doing right now.
We can push ourselves through a lot of things we don’t really enjoy doing for the sake of achievement. We tell ourselves we will be happy and get to enjoy our life when we have achieved fill-in-the-blank. But when there's always something new to achieve, that day never comes. To stop chasing achievement is to see that the only opportunity for enjoyment is today and you’ll miss out on all the fun to be had if you keep putting off your joy for one day in the future. So, if you don’t enjoy your work or what you’re doing right now take a look at what you can do to change that. Your life is for you to enjoy.
3. You are already enough.
While at the time I didn’t have clarity on what it was I was striving to get through all the achievements, upon looking closer I discovered what I was really after was to feel good enough. It was the fear of not being enough that propelled me forward. But if achievement is how we try to gain validation from the world and what we have to achieve to be good enough is a moving target we will never get there. We will never feel enough. Not only is any sense of validation fleeting, but we have to spend our lives going after the next thing to prove our worth. To stop chasing achievement is to see that our worth is inherent and not actually related to our achievements at all.
4. Stand in what’s true for you.
Once you define success for yourself you’ll have to find the courage to stand firm in that. The world will go on using their many yardsticks to evaluate you based on their other definitions of success and likely make many subtle suggestions about what you “should” be working to achieve. So, you’ll have to gather the strength to stay in your clarity, remind yourself of what to you is important and find the courage to stand in what is true for you. To stop chasing achievement is to stop trying to meet the expectations and needs of everyone else and focus on the needs and wants of the most important person; you. Go forth and blaze your own trail.
5. Achieve what YOU want.
Achievement - setting a goal and reaching it - isn’t inherently bad. It’s going after things we’re not passionate about or as a means to validate our worth that isn’t conducive to our happiness. When we stop unconsciously chasing the next achievement we can find what we truly care about and what kind of work brings us joy. You can get clear on what kind of impact you want to make in the world with your talents and gifts and create goals you genuinely want to achieve based around that. You’ll be fueled with the energy of desire and excitement to bring your vision into the world.
Considering these things can radically change your life. It did for me. But remember that change like this doesn’t usually happen overnight. It takes time to shift habitual ways of thinking and make moves to have our life reflect what we really want. So, remember to be patient. Give yourself the time and support you need to navigate the journey through change.
