9 Stress-Relieving Reminders To Help You Take Your Next Career Steps

Career navigation can be tricky. We can feel lost, conflicted, stuck or unsure of the next steps forward. Here are some things I’ve learned along my own career journey and from working with others as a career coach I think you’ll find helpful to keep in mind. Reminding yourself of these things can help you reduce stress, find clarity on next steps and enjoy the journey.

1. Trust your intuition

Looking back there were numerous times when I knew the answer, my intuition was telling me the way to go, but I didn’t listen. Instead, I listened to my mind. It had arguments to convince me that I should do something other than what I knew deep down to be right for me, from deciding what job offers to take to what my approach should be going into an important meeting. When I go against my intuition it almost never works out. It’s the best guidance out there. A good amount of what I do with clients as a career coach is helping them tune into and listen to themselves. So, right now it’s likely you do know the next step for you, you just have to tune into and trust yourself.

2. Focus on your goals, but also the enjoyment of today

Growing up we’re taught about delayed gratification - that all the hard work now will have a payoff and we’ll be happy in the future when we achieve our goal. We think we’ll be happy when we’ve “made it” or “arrived” or “get there” in some way. But often, when we place so much expectation on an external circumstance bringing us happiness, when we reach that goal it doesn’t feel as good as we had thought it would. We’re working hard trying to get “there,” but there’s really no “there” there. It’s a bit of a mental game we’re playing with ourselves. All we ever really have is today and what’s happening right now.

Yes, work is required to achieve a goal and it’s great to work toward something you genuinely want, but the enjoyment of your life today shouldn’t grossly suffer for it. Enjoy the journey, enjoy today and make choices that support your happiness now. Navigate your next steps with your current enjoyment and happiness in mind.

3. Be kind to yourself about “mistakes”

Career navigation isn’t easy. We’re all dealing with imperfect information and no ability to see into the future. This means we’re bound to go down some roads we eventually realize aren’t for us. This creates the potential for a lot of negative self-talk and judgment of what you should have done instead to “get ahead” or be “successful.”

But, remember that life is about learning and growth. Those detours on your journey have taught you a lot. And although you might not see how right now, what you have learned from the experience is valuable and will likely help you in the future.

If anything, now you have more information about yourself and what you want that can help guide you to places and situations that are a better fit for you. You never meant to make a “mistake” or cause yourself suffering. You were just acting on what you felt was right at the time. That’s all we can ever do. So, forgive and be kind to yourself - free yourself from your own judgment - about what has transpired.  Then, use what you’ve learned to take the next step you feel is best.

4. Take steps that build a life and career that works for you

You want to build a career and life around you, in alignment with you and who you are. Otherwise, you’ll be working to build something you can’t sustain and don’t actually want in the end. This should be top of mind when making career decisions, but often in our quest for “success” we can sadly forget about ourselves and whether what we’re doing actually brings us joy.

So, if you’re currently looking for new work, really seek out the type of work you enjoy and environments that will be a good fit. Make this a top priority. And when you’re in a job, look closely at how you can do the job, but while still being you. Yes, you need to meet your employer’s performance expectations, but be aware of any attempts you’re making to change yourself to be who you think you’re supposed to be. Trying to change yourself too much will only lead to unhappiness. If you can’t be yourself in your current job that’s a red flag your next step might need to be toward a new one.

The same goes for entrepreneurship. There are no rules that say entrepreneurship has to be done a certain way. But at the same time, it’s easy to get caught up in what others are doing and think you have to do that too. As a coach, I could get caught up in what society might tell me what I “should” do to be a “successful” coach. But the only metric of success that truly matters to me is whether I enjoy what I’m doing and am helping my clients. I get to show up as me and do it my way. You get to define success.

5. You don’t have to take an opportunity just because it’s presented

Having a career opportunity offered to you feels good. It feels great to be wanted or to think about how this opportunity could be a great break. But that doesn't necessarily mean you have to or should take the offer/opportunity. You still have to check in with yourself to see if it feels right for you. Ask yourself, “Is this what I really want? Do I really want to do this job?” or “Do I really want to do this deal/take this client?” Your mind will have many arguments for why it may be the logical thing to do, but maybe your true and honest answer is, “No, I don’t want this.” And that’s ok. You don’t have to take an opportunity just because it’s presented. You are in charge of your life. Trust there are many opportunities that will come along and be just right for you.

6. Don’t worry so much about the “How”

Once we know what we want and what our goal is, we can easily get stressed trying to figure out the “how” of it all - how it’s going to happen. We want to have all the steps laid out. But, while we can make a plan, we can’t see into the future and all the variables that will come into play along the way. Sometimes even making a plan can seem daunting. So if you find yourself overwhelmed, just set the intention that you’re going to move in the direction of your goal and focus on taking the next small steps from where you are. Ask yourself, “For someone in my position who wants to do X, I wonder what the next small steps would be?” See what comes to you and follow what feels good. It’s all about intention and taking that next self-guided step no matter how small.

7. Nobody has it all figured out

From the outside, it can look as if everyone else knows what they’re doing and you’re the only one who’s unsure of what to do or the best way forward. But we are all in this together. Even those that appear super confident have no idea how things will go. Remember, there are no guarantees things will work out the way someone has laid out in a plan. Life is unpredictable. So even though you may feel at times like others have things all figured out, know that’s just your perception, not reality. The only thing we can do is work with the information we have now and make choices that feel the best for us moment to moment.

8. Find inspiration and guidance by connecting with others

Make connections with others who are willing to share about their own career journey. It can help you to get ideas on your next steps, you can learn from others experiences and if you’ve been feeling alone in your career navigation challenges you’ll likely feel differently after having some deeper conversation with someone you trust. Through sharing, we can get a different perspective that could change everything in how we’re approaching things. When we’re struggling to find our way we may feel inclined to hide, but it’s actually the time when finding connection with others can help most.

9. Your past doesn’t have to dictate your future

Maybe you’ve gone down a career path you now realize is not for you. If so, it’s ok. It’s never too late to make a change. In fact, the important thing is that you honor you and do seek a life you enjoy. No one will ever be on their deathbed regretting that. It may feel scary and you will deal with the uncertainty of a new direction, but nothing will compare to the feeling of following your heart and creating a life that aligns with who you are. To me, that’s really the success we're after. Here’s another article I wrote to help ignite your courage to take your next step toward what you want.

What To Do When You Feel Overwhelmed

Overwhelm can be caused by many work situations. It happens when a stressful situation gets to be just too much for us to handle. We often experience it when we have a heavy volume of work and our to-do list is daunting. In these cases you can engage in time management strategies like delegating tasks, taking things off your to-do list, learning to create boundaries and say ‘No’ to more things - all very effective to lessen the burden and create more breathing room.

But what if you’ve done that and still feel overwhelmed? There are also many cases where the overwhelm is not even related to your volume of work. There can be a lot going on in our mind to make us feel stressed and like it’s all too much. Perhaps you have a very important project you’re under a lot of pressure to do well on or you’re waiting to hear back about something important and all the uncertainty is putting you on edge. In these cases dealing with overwhelm is more about managing our thought processes and less about managing our time/tasks.

Here are 4 common causes of overwhelm beside work volume. Sometimes they can happen all at once! I share some points to keep in mind to help you navigate each as well as some tips for handling all the strong emotions that arise in these challenging times.

1. Fear of “bad” outcomes

There are times when we really want something to go a particular way. We can do everything we can to influence the outcome, but there may still be a lot of fear of the “bad” outcome happening. This fear can get intense and cause us to feel overwhelmed. What can help is to examine the scenario you fear in more detail. It can be so scary to think about that often we haven’t really looked at what would happen up close. If you walk yourself through it in your mind and how you would respond if the thing you fear were to arise, you will likely see a way you could manage through it. It might even be not as bad as you initially thought. For example, if you’re afraid of performing poorly on a project, walk through what would happen if you did. You might have some conversations with your boss about it, work to improve the next time, and if you actually end up being fired over it, look at how you could respond and take your next steps. Even though you don’t want it to happen, by looking directly at what we fear we can see things more clearly and lessen our feelings of overwhelm.

2. Uncertainty

While we might be afraid of the “bad” outcome discussed above, not knowing whether it will happen is also stressful. In fact, research has shown that uncertainty around whether a bad thing will happen is even more stressful than if we know the negative outcome is certain. For example, it’s more stressful to know there are some layoffs coming and wonder if you’re going to be let go than knowing for sure that you will. Uncertainty puts us in a very uncomfortable state and can cause us to feel overwhelmed.

Many of the “bad” things that occur in our lives are not predicted. Prior to the "bad" thing happening, we feel we are operating in certainty until the rug is pulled out from under us. The only difference here and why you’re stressed is that you have awareness of the possibility of a “bad” thing happening. This awareness creates the opportunity to jump into the possible future scenario and stress about it. The only thing this awareness is useful for is giving you the chance to think through some actions you could take if the “bad” thing were to occur. But once you’ve done that it doesn’t help much.

So what can you do? Once you’ve taken action to prepare where you can, try to stay in the present. Just focus on the facts and what’s actually happening right now, not what might in the future. Until you have more information to act from, let go and accept the uncertainty. There is no "life-hack" for uncertainty; unless you want to stress out trying to control the world, acceptance is really the only way to go.

Have confidence in yourself that whatever happens (say, you are let go) you will be able to navigate your way through. Often life’s challenges are actually not obstacles, but instead, opportunities to learn and experience personal growth. They’re guiding is to where we need to be. You never know how the “bad” thing, say getting let go or receiving a poor review, might actually in the bigger picture be a very helpful or good thing nudging you along to where you find fulfillment and success.

3. Not having the answers to tough problems

When we have a problem we want an answer now. We want to fix it ASAP. But sometimes it’s not so easy. When we’re faced with a tricky problem and struggling to find a solution, we can find ourselves experiencing anxiety, worry and overwhelm. What we really need to do though is the opposite; relax. Stressing when we need to come up with a creative solution to a challenging problem just makes things more difficult. Stress interferes with creative thinking. It can also result in poor decision making as when overwhelmed we can have black and white thinking or reach for extremes.

Reflect on times when you came up with an ingenious solution to a challenge. What mental state were you in? Likely you were holding the problem lightly, felt relaxed, and maybe you weren’t even thinking about the problem when the answer naturally came to you. I know relaxing may be challenging when you’re in a situation where you feel pressured, but do your best. You could even try activities (like freeway driving or showering - anything that feels automatic) that shift your brain from beta to theta waves - the best type for problem-solving.

Lastly, research has shown that positive self-affirmation through reminding ourselves of our values and what’s really important in our lives (such as friends and family etc.) can improve problem-solving in stressed individuals. It facilitates more open and creative thinking.

4. Mind racing with thoughts

All of the above - fear of a “bad” outcome, uncertainty in it happening and not having a solution to a problem - can make our mind race with thoughts going in every direction. All the thoughts can easily bring on overwhelm. While you can employ the strategies I mention above, another helpful approach comes from the mindfulness techniques of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.

Instead of trying to push these thoughts away we can just observe and accept them. For example, let’s say you’re worried about whether you’re going to do well on a project and having thoughts of self-doubt. You can say to yourself, “I notice I’m having the thought that I’m not going to be able to meet my the expectations for this project.” The goal is to connect with the part of you that is aware of and separate from the thought. When we do this we reduce the thought's emotional charge and help ourselves move forward without feeling so consumed by the thought.

A few more things to try when you feel overwhelmed

In addition to the above, here are a few more tips that can help when the feeling of overwhelm arises:

Get into the present moment. This gets us out of our racing thoughts of the past and future. Whatever way you find most effective for you to get into the present is great. I find it helpful to ground myself in my body; focus on feeling the clothes on your skin, do a 5-minute ‘body-scan’ meditation where you check-in with each part of your body, take an exercise class like yoga. Whatever works for you.

Allow the feelings to be there. A lot of stress can come from trying to get rid of or suppress the feelings. Instead, try to just acknowledge them and let them be there. You can be aware of and let the emotions arise in you without having them take over. They will eventually pass, and they usually pass more quickly when we don't resist.

Be gentle and kind to yourself. When you’re overwhelmed, do things that feel good to you; things that are positive, comforting, healthy and uplifting. This is the time when you need to be emphasizing self-care. This will help to calm your nervous system, get you out of fight-or-flight and help you handle things from a clearer place.

How To Actually Have Fun On Vacation And Return To Work Refreshed

Have you ever gone into a vacation with the intention of rest and rejuvenation, but then find yourself about to return to work still tired and not as refreshed as you’d hoped? I definitely have. And I looked back thinking, “What happened? Where did the time go? Why didn’t I just relax and enjoy myself more?”

The thing is that our vacations can be just as full of to-do lists, obligations, and demands as our working lives. So it’s easy for our precious vacation time to get away from us and for us to spend it in ways that don’t feel rejuvenating.

To feel rested, reenergized and restored I believe we need to spend our vacation time (or at least a good part of it) doing things that help us reconnect with ourselves; things that make us feel really good, lift our spirits and help us feel grounded in our mind and body. This comes from doing things we genuinely like and enjoy doing.

Just do things you like; it sounds obvious and easy, right? And yet how often do you find yourself on vacation doing things you don’t genuinely want to do? Things like attending a BBQ with people you don’t really like because you feel obligated, spending a day restaining the back deck when you hate housework, or if you’re traveling, only visiting the sights and eating where your travel companions want, etc. We can find ourselves doing these things we don’t actually really want to do because our mind has many reasons for us why we “have to” or “should” or what will happen if we don’t. It feels more complicated than just doing what we want.

And yes, sometimes it can be more complicated. I completely understand there are some things you have to do, but not everything our mind is telling us we must do falls into this camp. So developing more awareness of what goes on in your mind when you’re on vacation can help you be a bit more discerning. Here are some tools to help so, on the whole, you can spend as much time as possible genuinely enjoying your vacation time doing things that will actually refill your tank.

Tune into yourself and examine each activity you’re thinking about doing. Is there a genuine desire to do it?

You may be looking at a to-do list, social commitments or other expectations from yourself or others in what you should do with your time. But, for each thing, try to tune into yourself and ask if you have a genuine desire to do it. If it’s a real “Yes” it will be a yes that feels good in your body, and brings lightness like an exhale; what spiritual teacher Kiran Trace calls a “delicious Yes.” A “Yes” that’s from your mind and motivated only by wanting to be “good” and meet expectations is actually a “No.” It will feel kind of heavy or pressured.

If you’ve found a true “Yes” then go for it and enjoy! But if you get a “No,” then things can get tricky. Our minds can give us so many reasons why we need to do the things that we don’t genuinely want to do. My thoughts would almost always rather have me play it “safe” and follow “shoulds” over fun or what I really want. We can be so conditioned to deny ourselves joy. I look at those thoughts I’m having and examine them. I ask, “If I don’t do these things or at least don’t do them right now - something on my to-do list or what I think I have to do to please others - what will really happen?” Oftentimes, not much or at least I don’t have any evidence that whatever bad thing I think might happen actually will. So there’s an opportunity to listen to myself and choose to do something that brings me more joy.

I get that sometimes your “No” is very inconvenient. Like your whole family wants to go kayaking or do some other activity and you really don’t want to? You may feel obligated, but you do still have a choice here to honor your “No.” It may be hard because yes, you may upset others, but consider if sometimes that’s worth your being able to have the space to replenish your health and energy.

I’m advocating for freedom from the tyranny of our own minds forcing us into doing things we don’t really have to do. I’m not advocating for irresponsibility. So yes, sometimes you have to do whatever it is you don’t like. That’s life. And when you land on one of those things - bills that need to be paid, groceries shopped for, and yes, maybe the deck does need to be stained - here are two things to try: 1) time-box the activity - give yourself an allotted period of time and get back to doing something you enjoy; 2) find a way to make it more fun or do it on your terms. Can you invite friends over to have a deck-staining party? (I once went to a party where we shingled an entire house and it was FUN!) Can you show up to an obligatory BBQ for just a few minutes to say hello, then leave? Can you take your bills etc. to a nice cafe and do your life administrivia there? See how you can change your experience of the task to one that feels better for you.

Make a list of things you genuinely like to do, things that make you feel really good

I have a list of things I like to do posted up in my home. When I have time on the weekend or vacation I look at the list and pick from it. If it's a travel vacation I add to it things I want to do at the destination. I need this because otherwise, my free time could easily become a vacuum for to-dos, requests and obligations. Personally, I can get a rush from knocking things off my to-do list or from pleasing others, but then I also knock myself out and become exhausted with nothing left to give and I certainly don’t feel restored. It’s ironic because the rush in part comes from getting through the task/request so I can then get on with doing something I enjoy and want to do! But the to-dos and possible requests of me never end! So to have enjoyment now means changing my default and deliberately choosing to do things I like. This is where the list can help.

Having a list can also save you from another common default. If you have any free time left over after all the to-dos are done and other obligations are met, how do you spend it? Do you do things that you really enjoy? Or are you doing some of the activities that you think feel good in the moment but are actually sort of numbing? I’m talking about TV, eating, drinking, shopping etc. Sometimes these things can provide genuine uplifting enjoyment, but other times they just provide comfort and don’t necessarily restore or give us energy. You’ll have to check-in with yourself to tell. And no judgment, we can all do this sometimes and in large part, the desire is driven by just how depleted we feel from forcing ourselves through all those “Nos.”

So, make your list of things that you genuinely enjoy, make you feel good and give you energy. When we decide we’re not going to do some of those things that are a “No” it helps to have a list of “Yeses” right there ready to go. It can be active things or just relaxing with a book. Whatever you like! The list helps us learn how to play and identify what kinds of things we enjoy. Before I made my list, I wasn’t really clear on what I liked to do and what filled my tank besides not having to do my to-do list or bend to others requests. It’s an exercise in meeting ourselves.

Why is it important to focus on fun and restoration on vacation?

Following what feels good and doing things you genuinely want to do will help you to feel the way you likely daydream about feeling on vacation; relaxed, restored, reenergized. That’s pretty rewarding, but if your mind also needs a “business reason” why you should tune into yourself and follow what you genuinely enjoy here’s one: it will also help you immensely at work. Research has shown that taking time for recovery is a key part to resilience and success. Taking the time to fill your tank is how you avoid burnout, create the physical and mental conditions to do your best work and navigate your next career steps from a place of clarity and strength.

How To Know If You're Already In Your Dream Job

It can be easy to think the grass will be greener in a new job or role. But, here are three things to consider before you make a move. With some reflection, you may discover that your current situation might already be or could become what you ultimately want.

1.  What do you actually want in your job? You might already have it or be not as far off as you think.

Many people don’t take the time to actually describe their dream job in detail. Before seeking greener pastures, ask yourself, “What, at the end of the day, do I really want in my job? What does my “dream job” actually look like?”

When you’re not clear on what you’re specifically looking for in a job, you could miss seeing how your current one may be actually pretty good. For many reasons we can fail to realize or overlook what we have. For instance, we may get caught up in wanting to work for the bigger, more prestigious companies in our industry and think our “dream jobs” only exist there, but what we actually do or experience in those other jobs might be no better than what we’ve got going for us now. Or we may be taking aspects of our current job for granted and risk only realizing this after we’ve left.

So, make a concrete list of what you want. For example, one could say they want to have opportunities for learning and growth, flexibility and/or variety in the projects they do, co-workers they enjoy working with, a manager/boss that is a strong leader to name a few. Next, after you have your list, look at the job you have now. Assuming that you’re not wanting to change industries or the type of work itself, it could very well be that you already have most of these things, that other jobs may be unlikely to be better or that you’re not as far off from what you want as you thought.

This exercise of outlining what you want is a great way not just to see clearly what you may already have, but also in identifying what is lacking and may need to change as I discuss next. As a bonus, it also helps you if you do ultimately conclude that you want to find a new job because then you’ll know exactly what to look for to realize your dream.

2. What do you need to change to make this your “dream job”? Take a close look and make specific asks.

If you’re unhappy at work it’s easy to feel that the job as a whole is bad. But if you take the time to pinpoint the specific source of your job dissatisfaction, you can take a look at what you might be able to change to make this job closer to what you want. Many people grossly underestimate their ability to change their situation at work. And if you think about it, we’re all unique so to have any job be your “dream job” will likely require some tweaking to make it feel best for you.

The key is to get specific. For example, the cause of your pain could be as specific as your boss’ habit of calling you after 8pm; or the fact that the painstaking monthly report you generate is below your pay grade; or maybe you lack a certain tool or resource you need to do your job well. Or maybe part of your dream is to work from home a few days a week.

Look deeply at your situation and try to find what the main issues are for you. Once you know exactly what is bothering you, you can identify what you would need to change to be happier. Asking for things can be uncomfortable, but remember that you can’t get it if you don’t ask and most employers would likely want to know what their employees need to be happy and accommodate them rather than have them leave; some even use “stay interviews” to help with retention. Use your best judgment on what’s reasonable to ask for, but also challenge your assumptions and don’t be too quick to think you’ll get a negative response. You could be pleasantly surprised and create your dream job if you just ask for what you need.

3. What is success to you? Bigger (job titles) doesn’t necessarily mean better.

Many people may already be pretty happy with their current situation but have the belief that a “dream job” has to have a big title or a lot of recognition and success associated with it. We can be left with a feeling that what we’re doing now, even if we enjoy it, isn’t good enough to be called a “dream job.”

Society’s definition of success often implies continuous advancement. We really need to begin challenging this cultural idea that everyone’s dream is to be the boss or a big deal. Because the thing is that a fancier title or going after more “success” in the traditional sense may change the nature of your work and so doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll be happier or that you’ll enjoy the work more. Maybe where you are now is just perfect for you and if so, it’s perfectly fine to stay there. A dream job is about your dream and what you want, not anyone else's idea of what you should do or want.

And I know some may be thinking, “what if you can’t stay at the position where you are now?”  I understand that in some industries you can’t stay in a position forever - promotions are expected - so if you find yourself not enjoying the “better” position, just know that it’s completely ok to consider other work options. And if you think creatively, there may even be roles in other firms or industries that let you use your skills and stay in your sweet spot.

So before you work hard towards that next level, it’s helpful to ask yourself, “What is my dream job, actually? And what is success to me?” The goal, in the end, is happiness and fulfillment, right? So, if you feel that with what you’re doing now I think you could consider yourself very successful and in a great place.

When You Start A New Job And Realize It's Not For You; 6 Things To Consider About Staying Or Leaving

Finding the kind of work and a job you love is often a bit of a journey. It can be a process of learning about yourself and the world of work before you land on something that feels in alignment with you. Along the way, many of us end up in a few jobs that for various reasons are a mis-fit.

Some might find themselves starting a new job, and within the first months, weeks, or even hours, quickly realize this just isn’t the job for them. If this is you, naturally, this can be a stressful time. You may find yourself wondering, “Can I leave already?” as your heart and soul want you to get away from this job. But then some of the advice you hear or thoughts you have give you pause. You may have thoughts around not wanting to look bad to a potential new employer or burn a bridge with your current one. You may feel that if you leave you’ll be 'throwing away' opportunities or not using the chance to 'leverage' this job, or that you will have 'wasted' your time etc. These are just a few of the things that could run through your mind and create a lot of fear, anxiety and inner conflict.

What I can share is that I've navigated these waters myself. And I discovered, many of these thoughts tend to be well-meaning, but narrow-minded, not fully reasoned and fear-based. They mostly help us box ourselves needlessly into a corner where we feel trapped and stuck. Instead, you want to navigate your career from perspectives that help you see possibilities, feel open to change and empower you to put your needs, desires and happiness first. And by doing that, there's generally a much higher chance you'll succeed - not only in your career, but in creating the fulfilling life you want.

Whether you decide to stay or leave a job is entirely up to you. But here are a few things to consider that helped me that may also help you in your next steps forward.

1. Consider the opportunity cost of "sticking it out"

You may feel that you should stay in this job (especially if it’s a “good job” you worked hard to get) so you can put it on your resume and “leverage” it to open doors and opportunities down the road. Or you may feel that leaving this job now would be “throwing away” an opportunity.

This job may hold value to you, but I would also urge you compare its value to the opportunity cost of staying in the job. The opportunity cost is what you’d be giving up - the personal and professional price you might pay for staying.

First, your time and enjoyment of your life is valuable. To stay in this job for 2 years (or however long you stay) feeling unhappy can be a big price to pay. And when we’re not happy at work all other areas of our life can suffer - so we may also pay a price in damaging our relationships or physical and mental health. Staying has the potential to derail our fulfillment of other life goals outside of work. One time I tried to stay in a job that wasn’t a good fit and developed depression, anxiety, gained weight and lost a close friend. Suffice to say, I regret not leaving sooner.

A second opportunity cost is losing time that you could be spending succeeding in a different job that’s a better fit. It’s hard to do our best work and show what we’re capable of when we don’t like our job. So getting that glowing reference to really leverage this job down the road might not even happen. Also, unless you really know for sure that doing this job (and at this particular employer) will help you in your next endeavor, it might not be worth it. You could instead be spending this time getting direct experience in what you really want to do or getting requisite experience from an employer that’s a better fit for you.

2. You could just explain yourself to a potential new employer

Some motivation to stay in your current job may come from fear of what you would tell a potential new employer. The more typical thing is to stay in a job for awhile before looking for a new one, so to leave now would be going a bit ‘off script’ and that makes you nervous. “How would I explain myself in an interview?” you might be thinking. The risk is looking like you don’t know what you want and an employer being hesitant to hire you as they think you might also leave them shortly after starting.

But, if you have a well articulated, reasoned and genuine explanation for why your current situation is not a good fit, how you now know what you are looking for and have good reason to believe you will do much better at their company, this could go far to put their concerns to rest and make you a strong candidate. Remember, interviewers are just people - they will likely get that life is not a straight line and if you explain yourself there’s a strong chance they’ll understand.

3. Examine your fear of burning a bridge

You may be afraid of burning a bridge with your current employer if you left now. They put in resources to hire you and they may feel misled. But, reflect on whether keeping that bridge intact is reason enough to stay in a job you don’t want to be in. Revisit those opportunity costs mentioned in 1. Also, if your leaving does burn this bridge (which is not necessarily a given as they may actually have an understanding response), think of how big the world is and how many other job opportunities there will be for you. Your entire future and potential success will likely not be determined by this one upset with one employer.

4. Don't generalize to all jobs in the industry. Maybe try another.

You can do the same job in a lot of different companies/organizations with very different cultures, management styles, types of clients, environments etc. It could be your dissatisfaction with your current job is not due to the work itself, but due to these contextual factors. For example, perhaps you just don’t get along well with your manager or immediate team. Just because this one job in this one context isn't for you doesn't necessarily mean you need to change careers and can't still do the work you want to do. Reflect on what conditions you would thrive in, seek out opportunities that align with them, and maybe try again.

5. It's ok to change career directions. You didn't "waste" your time.

Maybe you put in a lot of time getting this job. Maybe it's what you went to school for and now you're thinking if you do something else and change careers all that effort will have been for nothing. Please don't let this line of thinking keep you in a career you hate. Like I mentioned, staying in a job that makes you unhappy is a pretty big price to pay just so you can feel your efforts to date have been “worth it.” Ask yourself, “Is it really worth it when my happiness, relationships, health and even potential for having a successful career is on the line?”

Also, I don’t believe anything you do is really a “waste.” To change direction and think what you went to school for or got experience in to date will be for nothing is pretty narrow thinking. We learn from all of our experiences and it makes us unique and skilled in many ways we can apply to whatever we want to be doing. I have degrees and experience in stuff I will never "use" but in reality I use every day. And many highly successful people had careers in “unrelated” fields before doing what they’re doing now.

6. This is not uncommon

Remind yourself that this kind of thing happens to many people every day. It’s not uncommon to start a job and realize you don’t like it. There’s nothing wrong with you. Don’t beat yourself up for finding yourself in this situation. Have self-compassion. You’re learning about yourself and what you like.

It’s also not as uncommon as you may think to leave a job shortly after starting. A lot of people leave jobs after a short period of time. They might not shout it from the rooftops so you may feel like you're the only one, but it happens more than you think. I know this might feel like a really big deal right now, but in just a few years it will likely be something you look back on and see as a small hiccup in your larger career journey. And you may even thank your present-day self for taking the steps to find work you enjoy and succeed in.

Are They Just 'Bad Jobs' Or Could It Also Be You? 3 Things To Consider

Have you had a series of “bad jobs” or “bad job experiences”? Perhaps a few jobs in a row that haven’t worked out? Some of these situations may indeed have been objectively awful for reasons having nothing to do with you and beyond your control, but you do also have to stop and notice that you are a common denominator in all of them. While it’s much easier to just put all the blame on the jobs and I understand that it can be uncomfortable and unpleasant to look in the mirror, it really is in our best interest. By examining closer how we might have played a role in creating our experiences, we can learn and prevent against finding ourselves in the same situation again in the future. If we want things on the outside to be different, we often have to look inside first.

While there are several ways we can influence our work experiences, here are a few to consider. Also note, it’s not black and white. It’s not necessarily all your fault or all the job/company’s fault for the situation. It could be both contributing to the “bad experience.” You just want to be aware of and own the part you might have played. And if you do feel one (or more) of these ring true for you, have some self-compassion; nobody’s perfect. What’s important is that we learn and grow and take the next step forward to create more of what we want.

1. Are you choosing jobs that aren’t actually a good fit for you?

Just like the saying goes, when you try to put a square peg in a round hole, things aren’t going to work out. If we’re choosing to pursue jobs that are all wrong for us, it’s going to be very hard to succeed in them.  On some level, deep down, perhaps you have known that the job wasn’t a good match for you, or that you weren’t really interested in it. But it can be hard to listen to that inner voice. There are a lot of influences, external and internal, that can cause us to override what it has to say. Things like how this is a "good" job and you should want it, that this is what you went to school for/have been doing in your career to date so you should do this etc. But until we are ready to get in touch with what we really want and find work that we genuinely enjoy and can therefore likely excel at, it’s going to be tough going working against yourself.

2. Is there a theme? Do you experience this situation/feeling in other areas of your life?

This point is perhaps best made with an illustrative example. Let’s say in your job you always feel like the responsible one; you feel like you have to do all the work for everyone, others don’t pull their weight and they rely on you to figure everything out and take charge. You feel burdened by this, a bit (or very) resentful and taken advantage of time and time again. “How would they get everything done and all the details taken care of and on time if it weren’t for me?” you wonder. You end up leaving the job(s) because you’re stressed out and sick of doing it all for everyone else.

Well, do you feel this way in your significant relationships? With your partner? Family? In your friend groups are you the “organizer”? If so, that’s something to reflect on and a clear indication that it’s not just the job(s). There’s something deeper going on inside of you too look at. Possibly some beliefs around responsibility or perfectionism or control etc. There’s a saying that goes, “How we do one thing is how we do everything.” If we can pinpoint what those beliefs are that are underlying our approach to life we can begin to question them and change our experience. See if how you feel in your jobs is similar to how you feel in other areas of your life.

3. Is there some self-sabotage going on?

Many people struggle with self-sabotage, conscious or subconscious. You might be engaging in behavior, knowingly or not, that repeatedly prevents your success at work. This article by Ellen Hendriksen, Ph.D. outlines six reasons why people self-sabotage their success: issues with self-worth and feeling undeserving, trying to control perceived inevitable failure, feeling like a fraud/imposter syndrome, wanting to use the destructive behaviour as the scapegoat reason for failure instead of themselves, to maintain an internal narrative of themselves as a failure, out of a need to sustain the more familiar feeling of instability and chaos. It’s worth taking a closer look to see if you might be engaging in one (or more) of these behaviors. Remember, don’t make yourself bad if you do. It generally means there’s something deeper going on inside - fear, unworthiness, shame, despair etc. So try to meet yourself with some compassion.

Get More Inner Peace At Work Right Now: 3 Lessons From Eckhart Tolle

I went to see Eckhart Tolle speak in person recently. If you’re not already familiar, Tolle is the author of the #1 New York Times bestseller The Power of Now and the highly acclaimed follow-up A New Earth, which are widely regarded as two of the most influential spiritual books of our time. His work helps people find more peace and fulfillment through developing greater inner awareness, presence and transcending our ego-based state of consciousness. His teachings point back to the need to live in the present moment, hence the title of his book The Power of Now. His fans include many celebrities and prominent figures including Oprah who has described his messages as “essential spiritual teaching.”

Perhaps one of the reasons Tolle has had such a big impact on the lives of millions globally is that his teachings are very grounded and practical. He articulates how many of us experience our day-to-day lives, what goes on inside of us to cause us struggle and unhappiness, and provides simple, but powerful and effective advice we can all easily implement. He speaks in a way many can connect with - which resulted in a lot of nodding heads in the audience!

I’m a career coach, so I’m often thinking about things through the work/career lens and how to help people navigate success more easefully. To this point, I was inspired to look at some of Tolle’s messages and see how they can be applied to how we approach our work/careers. Simply becoming aware of how you engage in some of this thinking may be helpful.

Ask yourself, “What problem do I have in this moment?”

When you’re feeling consumed by a problem, Tolle recommends we ask ourselves this question. When we do this, the funny thing is that suddenly we don’t have a problem. “In the present moment, a problem cannot survive,” he says. “A problem exists in your mind as a thought. To have problems you have to think about them and then you are generally thinking about what might happen in the future.” I’m sure you’ve observed that often the things we think might happen in the future don’t happen. So, if we just stay in the present moment we can save ourselves from all the stressing. And if something does actually happen, then he says it won’t be a problem, but rather a challenge we can respond to in that moment when it arises. He uses the analogy of an animal attacking you. In that moment, it’s not a problem - there’s not time to think about it - it’s simply a challenge to take action on.

This is a pretty great way of looking at things and approach to take with you into your workday. How much of our days do we often spend stressing and thinking about problems - all the potential things that could happen with our bosses, clients, co-workers etc.? We could save ourselves a lot of energy and make things easier by staying in the here and now.

Continuous wanting is exhausting

In our work/careers we seem to be always trying to get somewhere, solve our problems and be “successful.” But Tolle illuminates that when you finally get what you feel like you wanted so badly, you aren’t happy because you finally got what you wanted. Instead, you’re happy because for a brief moment you don’t want anything and the mind has a break from the constant wanting. “Continuous wanting is exhausting,” he says.

This doesn’t mean we can’t work towards creating what we would like in our lives, but when we’re fixated on how to get the next thing we want - a promotion, new job, landing a big client, getting to a certain level with our business etc. - and telling ourselves we’ll only be happy/ok in the future when we get it, this keeps us from living in and being happy in the present. And the present is really all we have. There’s usually no end to the things we want - there’s always something next - so if we’re not living and finding joy in what we’re doing now and what’s arising in this moment, our happiness is constantly delayed. There’s lots of peace and happiness we can access by living in the now.

Accept that challenges are part of life

Like a game of whack-a-mole we can spend our lives trying to solve all our problems; as soon as we address one, another arises. And yet we continue to play with the subconscious belief that there will be an end - we will be able to get to a magical place where no further challenges arise. “People think challenges aren’t supposed to happen, they’re arguing that things are happening that shouldn’t be,” Tolle says. “They’d rather be somewhere else or have circumstances be different.” This is a very stressful way to approach life.

How often when trying to navigate our career/work situations do we feel challenged and think “this shouldn't be happening” or that we should be somewhere else like “further ahead” or more “successful” or that we’re not doing the “right” thing to get “there?” It can amount to a persistent underlying feeling that we’re doing it wrong and that if we were doing this - doing life - “right” there would be no challenges.

As I point this out I’m sure you can see how illogical this is. Challenges are a part of life. And even when we’re successful in getting to wherever we want next in our career, there will still be more challenges.

Tolle advises that we learn to see and accept this. When we do, we can stop constantly feeling stressed by the belief that whatever is happening shouldn’t be. And by focusing on living in the present moment, we can simply relax into what is - the chaos and the challenges - and respond to them as they arise. As you navigate your way through your work/career and inevitably encounter challenges, remind yourself that they are entirely ok and part of the journey.

Get To Be More Yourself At Work: 4 Things You Can Do Today

Do you ever feel like you’re one person at work, and another in the rest of your life? While it may be the case that you need to behave professionally and can’t be as casual or open at work as you might be in the rest of your life, I’m talking about when you feel like you almost have to pretend to be someone else or hide large parts of your personality. You’re filtering yourself or putting on a mask. This is exhausting, can be extremely stressful and over time simply not sustainable.

Ideally, when we’re at work we feel comfortable and that we can be mostly ourselves. While it may be that the job you’re in or company you work for is just not a good fit for you and you need to consider making a change to one that’s more in alignment with who you are, there are some aspects to the “I can’t be myself at work” feeling that can be driven by our own thinking. It might not be the job, it could just be how we’re thinking and approaching things. Here are four points to consider to see if this is the case for you and learn how you can make an internal shift to show up more as the real you.

1. To show up as you; you have to be willing to be rejected

Simply put:  you will never be able to show up as the real you anywhere (at work or otherwise) if you’re not willing to risk rejection. If you’re afraid of rejection and putting on a mask at work as a protective mechanism, you have to be willing to take it off (at least a bit). We can put on a mask or send our representatives - not the real us - to work because then if you experience criticism, she/he is the one that gets criticized; it lessens the blow because it’s not the real you. But as long as we’re sending our representative to work or wearing a mask we will always feel like we can’t be ourselves. Willingness to be seen is required. I understand the fear of rejection and you may need to find some courage at first, but not only may it be worth it for your career as we tend to do our best work when we can be more ourselves, but much of our fears are unfounded. People will like most likely really like the real you.

2. Question your assumptions about who you’re supposed to be

Each company has a different culture, set of values, performance expectations etc. and we can be adept at assessing the situation for what we think is required of us to fit in and excel. We can try to figure out what other people want from us and try to be that; forming our representative mentioned above to be this ideal person. I know what it’s like; my need for approval and fear of rejection as discussed made me into a master chameleon. And once you start it's hard to change - you’ve trained people to expect you to be that way and you've often received external positive reinforcement for it. It’s a bit of a trap.

The problem is that in our assessment we might be making a lot of incorrect assumptions. How we think we’re supposed to be could largely be a story we’re telling ourselves, not reality. We've locked ourselves in a box without anyone forcing us in. There just might be a lot more space to show up as you - with your thoughts, opinions, needs, work style preferences etc. - than you think. Look closer and ask yourself, “Is it really true I have to be/do it this way? Is there some flexibility for me to try things differently?” For some things, the answer may be no, and for where the answer is yes it may feel scary at first to actually make the change, but it’s worth reflecting on and feeling out your options.

3. Speak up for what you need. You can’t get it if you don’t ask

If you reflect on where there might be some flexibility to make changes, some of those things you want to change may require discussion with your boss. Don't be afraid to speak up. Your employer is not a mind-reader. If there are things about the job or the way things are done that really feel at odds with you or less than ideal, there’s no way for them to know if you don’t raise the issue. Want to work from home on some days to focus and have fewer interruptions? Want to be able to work more with certain team members you click with over others? Want to have more visibility into your workload and not have so many surprise assignments? Talk about it. If you don’t your employer will just assume you don’t have an issue with it. Identify what would work best for you and see if you can have a conversation about it. Remember, what works for you to do your best work is in the interest of both you and your employer.

4. You don’t have to be like “everyone else” at work

Sometimes we can feel like we don’t belong and have to pretend to be different because of the culture of the company or if we just feel different from our colleagues. You might feel pressure to attend the post-work drink events that aren’t your thing or join in on other activities that aren’t really central to the work. And this is my point; if you are effective at your job that’s all that really matters. While in some contexts cultural fit may factor into your evaluation for promotion, in many cases if you’re doing excellent work and delivering results for the company, whether or not you participate in the extra stuff is really up to you. You don’t have to be like “everyone else.” Just do you. And just as you respect your colleagues for being the way they are, once you start showing up as you and making choices that feel right for you, hopefully, they will respect that too. Just like the first point, it comes down to having a willingness to be yourself.